Sunday, 15 October 2017

ROCHAS OKOROCHA AND HIS MONUMENTAL DISGRACE (CRAZE WORLD)

And just when we think we've seen every shade of madness the governor of Imo State just upped the ante.
You recall one time he claimed to have been slapped by a spirit? I guess it is high time that spirit returns and beat him to pulp.

The question is why is Jacob Zuma a South African president having a giant statue if himself and his name given to a street in Imo state, I guess you must be wondering like I am right now too.
How do one get a giant statue and a road named after him, you must have contributed immensely to that society or organisation, but then besides the fact that we have a lot of our Igbo brothers hustling on the streets of south Africa there is no other attribution we could point from south Africa to imo state, with all that been said Rochas Okorocha stands to be the most foolish governor ever.

I don't know what must have transpired between Rochas and Zuma (and I don't mean the mobile game) but I think whatever must have prompted him to erect such a giant statue, must be coming from a very foolish angle.
There are salaries unpaid and here he is erecting statues for someone who has not played any vital role in the welfare of the people he governs.
Maybe he is only trying to cement his love for JayZee (like Trevor noah will call him), I mean the same way South Africans hated Zuma that is the same way the people of Imo state hated Owelle (so you see now there is a link).

To be honest I'm not so surprised to be hearing this after seeing the Obama handshake billboard, I was sure something bigger is coming, but the most painful part are all those people who stood by him and cheer to his stupidity, at least they would have talked some senses into him, except he is like the proverbial stubborn he-goat.
Tax payers money has just entered what we call bear-bear investment and I'm sure this is just the beginning of all that is to be done. Good thing he is yet to become the president that he so dreamt of, maybe by now we would have been sold to China and have their prime minister's statue erected too.


Thursday, 5 October 2017

Craze World part 4

$26 billion fraud? the kind of money that gets missing or stolen in this country Nigeria is enough to drive one crazy.

Welcome back from a very long break of writing, I wish I could explain where I went to but just be assured that I didn't go for any medical vacation neither did I leave New York to London.

The minister of state for petroleum has joined the list of ranters, I mean those who write reports to the president, only this time it was a very long letter like the one written by Mariama Bâ (you should know about so long a letter). Well in his letter he detailed a lot about Dr. Baru who happens to be the GMD of NNPC. In his famed letter his major concern was insubordination which he claims the GMD doesn't respect him and obey his orders.
The long and short of the letter is that the president should talk to the GMD to attend meetings regularly and not disregard him.
Now you remember those days in primary school when the class prefect reports the class to the teacher for disrespecting him? That's exactly what the Kachikwu's famous letter read out. For one I think he would have done better than self praise, well we all hope the president acts accordingly and see that Dr. Baru is severely flogged for not obeying the class prefect.

Now away from Ibe Kachikwu's list of noise makers to our most famous first lady the madam of Aso villa dame Patience Jonathan aka mama peace who is crying for her life to be spared, not that anyone is trying to kill her though but the fact that the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission has been on her case ever since she vacated her office as the first lady.
In her words she said Obama's wife is not going through any scrutiny from Trump as she is having now from Buhari, for one Michelle Obama was never at the affairs of anything and the trump administration did not find any traceable reason to investigate the money Michelle made as the FLOTUS, where as madam and Deiziani became richer while holding public offices, you see the difference now?
In as much as it will be good for the EFCC to unbiasly (I know that is not a correct word) do their jobs and make themselves richer I plead that madam be set free and see it as a way she was paid in active service entertaining the nation and putting laughter in all our hearts.

Now to some more important security issues as it concerns the citizens to watch their steps wherever they see the special anti robbery squad popular known as SARS who in a bid to protect had turned terror to the people of Rivers State.
Just some days back a taxi driver was shot and there was claims he is a member of a defaced street cult group "dey bam". Well for one thing I respect the police for is telling a very good lie, if not any other thing they are very good at it and telling us you killed the man during a gun battle and no gun was recovered from him and no other wounded victim or was he the only surviving member of the defaced cult group?
All I can say here is you guys are beginning to loose your juice, common what went wrong. We do hope the family of this man gets the justice they deserve and the SARS group be called to order by the authorities involved.

Yeah now to some abroad news and to something more heart renting, the shooting in Vegas has further proved that this world na really craze world, a man with no criminal record of any kind, shooting at innocent people in a concert that's not crazy it's insane and trust me he succeeded in shifting the world's attention from Puerto Rico to Vegas and who wouldn't be happier than the POTUS who is not really pleased with what is happening in Vegas sorry Puerto Rico which he said hurricane Maria was not as deadly as hurricane katrina that happened in 2005, in other words the people of Puerto Rico should take a chill pill and wait for another hurricane like that of katrina and remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (just saying nobody should get that crazy down here to shoot at us).

Well on this note I wrap up my thoughts and sincerely look for one corner to join the rest of Ghanians in their new found craze.
IG/twitter @nwachilive

Saturday, 9 September 2017

Craze World part3

To think that we are all sane in a crazy world, further defines our craziness.
Well to begin with a sound mind you first need to be educated and thanks to the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) everyone stands the chance to getting a university education. Well they could have done worse but they choose to do better by lowering their standards, instead of the average of 170 or 180 as the case may be the dropped it down low to 120 meaning every dick, tom and Harry stands a good chance of a university education.
While a couple of Nigerians are not pleased with this new development, a couple few who knew their best shot could not exceed 150 marks are already feeling like students who would merit the admission.
Now for one like the JAMB twitter handle may put it "it does not automatic admission" which means schools and colleges still have the deciding factor to your destiny.
Now the big question is why reduce the cut off mark when it won't play any role in the admission process. Now I see what they are trying to do. Be the good guys and make the universities and colleges the bad guys, that was well played JAMB.

Moving on to something uneducated but sincerely needs our prayers and donations as well. Flood victims in Benue state Nigeria, well I could say while there is Hurricane Harvey in Houston, it is no different for the people of Benue state who are experiencing same situation just that the people of Houston are receiving relief aid from top celebrities and people outside Houston meanwhile here in Nigeria... well, it is well.
A certain facebook user has claims that she wanted to send some relief material to the people in Benue state and after calling the said person in charge, she was told he can't take official calls while on holidays, meaning whatever she wants to send over should take a chill pill until he is done eating his sallah ram and whatever keeps him going for the holiday. Now you see how important it is to have uninterrupted holiday with office work.
Well since we can't get the name of the said NEMA official we could let this slide too and let the people in Benue state wait till the holiday is over, assuming we decided to further the holiday then it is sure no one gets any relief support until it is not necessary anymore.

Now to presidential issues and this time it has nothing to do with rats trust me.
The minister for women affairs and social development Aisha Alhassan aka Mama Taraba has declared her love for former vice president Atiku abubakar whilst serving president Buhari, Ok she didn't declare her love but she has chosen to support Atiku come 2019 should Buhari choose to be re-elected in office, now that's a woman speaking against injustice and equality and fairness, or was she speaking for her godfather?
According to claims it was said her choice of Abubakar was predicated on the fact that the former Vice President is her “godfather.” well that's one strong activist.
Now you wonder why this is crazy, well Buhari is a member of All Progressive Congress (I'm sure he doesn't know that's what APC means) whilst Atiku is a member of the newly formed coalition party APDP (hope I'm right about that). So you see? It's like playing for Arsenal and supporting Leicester City (well with the way arsenal is playing now, this might be possible).
Now people are going against her for speaking up for the women, who are being relegated to the back by Buhari bid for a 2nd tenure.

Over to some entertainment at least we could use this to ease off the tensions of presidential tussle.
D'banj or skillbanj or capella or whatever he has added to his moniker now, in a recent interview made claims to have signed Davido in 2014 with a rolex watch and letting him go on claims his parents wanted him to be through with school first.
Well even if Davido has come out to say there was no signing but he was gifted a rolex watch by the big fish (eja nla). Now everyone who must have been gifted by the king 'don come should know you are an unofficial member of DB records.
Just wondering if Davido was signed with a piece of watch what would k-switch be signed with, a plate of food?
Now before I rest my pen, I encountered the most outrageous souvenir to be given in an event, you might say I'm crazy but whoever gives out condoms in a funeral must be......
Well it's a craze world and we definitely fit perfectly into our wards.
IG/twitter @nwachilive
Facebook.com/nwachilive

Thursday, 7 September 2017

Lazy Comedians

In a world were creatives are suppose to be kings, the lazy one are the ones eating fat...
That is a case of the comedy industry in Nigeria, where the up and coming believe so much in mediocres than the real people. Comedy as easy as it is the most tasking job anyone can venture into it in entertainment and if you are not as creative as being funny then you are just tagging on with the rest of the mediocres parading as kings.

The first step to becoming a comedian is to be funny but then it's not a business of foolery, so you have to come up with your own intellectual materials to be able to stay afloat in the business, but then there are a couple few who believed nobody owns the joke so they can just pick a joke from anyone and you at will.
The truth is most comics are mediocres besides being lazy and it just happened that some of them are smart thieves and have good access to use of the media, so it's easy for them to have wide spread of the stolen materials than the original owners themselves.
It is beyond stand-up who could take from a smaller comic and perform it in front of a large audience with a wider coverage thus making it look like he owns it, which they even go as far as sharing on YouTube and to their followers on IG. Now they have started making short funny videos as well known as skits which dey would pick any joke from a comedian and use it for the skit which sometimes travel more than the standup performance.
One shocking one was a joke I heard in a show and the next week I watched it as a skit from a different comedian.

The solution here is simple, you can employ people who would help you generate content as well as write jokes for you.
Soon jokes will be copyrighted and people will not be lenient with these anymore.
If you can't create jokes quit the business or get someone to do that for you.
Twitter/IG: @nwachilive

Craze World -Episode One

Craze world (a piece of my mind)
This is just a snippet of the first episode...

It's really a craze world and indeed Nigeria is the capital

Thursday, 31 August 2017

Craze World episode 2

How can we describe the craziness of this world without using Nigeria as a case study.

Well the good news is our president is back after a 100 days medical vacation, I think he deserves a resounding welcome ceremony or hold on the governor of Kogi state already gave him one, I mean having a public holiday declared to celebrate the return of the "Lion King" is worth it.
Now the only problem is the "Lion" has been chased out of his office by mere rodents that would have served as his appetiser or desert (depending on how he feeds though).
Well his spokesperson told us he has to work from home now which means no FEC meeting or if any would be held it has to be like a house fellowship service (hopefully they'll serve cabin biscuit and groundnuts when they finish). Now I can only wonder how they would resolve the ongoing annual ASUU strike (students you can only pray fir a new president).
My thoughts though how come nobody cared to check on his office while he was away, you see, it's because of eye service.

On to other weightier issues, a said student of uniport who killed and mutilated an eight year old girl and was arrested by some vigilante group which he was later handed to the police, news came in that he has escaped from the police state CID office. Well, how ever he did that is what is leaving everyone in awe.
If it had been from one of the local police stations with less security it would have been a case do different but this is the most secured police station and yet an unarmed man vanished into thin air (maybe what of jazz he was planning to do has started working for him, well who can tell?)
It is still a shocking tale because even the police men there couldn't tell how it happened.

On to something more serious than vanishing people, somehow I ran into a flyer design where the government or whoever is in charge of transport empowerment in Bayelsa state is training 100 persons for driving lessons.
Well what can we say at least the government is working, remember they had an assembly member donate floating toilets oh sorry she built them now they are training drivers, I'm sure the young people there can't afford to pay for driving schools or it is much burdened to them to have them learn to drive so the government is making sure that dream come through.
You may say I have a loud mouth but so does the people of Bayelsa do have a big heart for digital development.

Just to leave our ladies with something really important to ponder on.
The famed cross dresser Bobrisky aka oshey baddest has just bagged an endorsement from a hair company where as we have over a million slay queen that won't let go of their snap chat buttons, if you are thinking what I'm thinking then it's time we all start trying lipsticks and mascara who knows who might get lucky next.
And on this note i'll just leave you here in this craze world while I sneak back in to my ward before the cyber dictators come for me.

Saturday, 19 August 2017

100 days in London (a President in Diaspora)

Just at a time when we think we deserve better, should I say we got the best of everything wrong?
Well I think Nigeria is a country on her feet, yeah like someone ready to run off at any giving minute, but the fun thing is we have nowhere to run to, maybe not our president who have been running since he was sworn into office.

Just like everyone who is elected into public office the first hundred days is a time to curate their remarkable achievements (if any) and applaud or condemn them where necessary, but for the case of our dear Mohammadu Buhari he has set a new record as the first president ever to have stayed a complete hundred days out of office, in other words we have a president in diaspora.
Since we really can't get his achievements down in office, let us flip the coin and tell him what we seem to have achieved in his absence.
I would like to start with the arrest of the famed kidnapper who has won a lawsuit against the police for unlawful detention and denial of bail, this only shows that we all need to be successful at whatever we do, how else will a notorious criminal who has confessed to his crime come out victorious, well his case is still a long one so i'll just move on.

Then the part where we have to prep our minister of information before he really says anything is also very important, I mean he is of the suggestion we stop our local artist from shooting videos abroad when our president is already abroad sending voice note in Hausa to Nigerians, you see why we should get him fired because it is contradicting the president's beliefs (even though I don't know what he believes in)

Uhm... should I tell you about charlie boy who took 2baba's place at the famed nationwide protest and is now planning to take the place of the director of IPOB by leading on nigerians until he was tear gassed, well he was willing to die Nigeria until he realised Nigeria is not worth dying for.

Ehen! The money that was discovered at the Ikoyi apartment that no one was holding claim to please when you return ask Magu and his boys who is holding that money and if they tell you the money was used to pay for your treatment just know that they are lying because with that sum of money you should have been back to the country very hale and hearty.

Ermm... Ehen! I almost forgot, your wife almost turned this country to animal Kingdom calling people hyenas and jackals, well we didn't take it serious until they started referring to you as Lion King, all I could think of was Lai Muhammed as Timon and Rochas Okorocha as Pumba. I'm not saying all of us are animals sha but Nnamdi Kanu and his boys were almost right.

You see a lot has happened in your absence so much that I can't really say all, let me just stop here for now because it seems we and America we are on the same level because their president seems to rule them from his twitter handle.

The Lion King himself we have missed you so dearly and we hope you come back soon with some London bread or chocolate
(c) Nwachi Emmanuel
Twitter & IG: @nwachilive