is Prince Charles happy?

#MidweekSatire
Today in Britain Queen Elizabeth the 2nd is been celebrated as british longest serving monarch whereby making her the oldest to have ever sat on that seat which of course is worth celebrating but my question here is, is Prince Charles also celebrating?

She I mean Queen Elizabeth the 2nd have been ruling since 1952 till today I'm writing this piece..That was way before I was born and I'm sure I haven't lived up to half the years she have ruled either.. Since Prince Charles is the heir to the throne and he is still hoping on becoming the King of England someday well I can say that is a very long hope..

I'm sure somewhere in his heart he is praying that it gets to him real quick.. I'm not saying that he is praying for her to die, I mean who will pray for the queen to die ok I can't say that for sure but I can only reason with Charles and Williams that the quicker she thinks about stepping down the faster it will be for Prince George who is fourth in line.

Meanwhile I think Mohammadu Buhari might be Nigeria's Oldest serving president I meant by age not years of ruling though.. Since there was a lot of controversy about how old he might be during the elections.. Wouldn't it be nice for Nigeria to have a president as old as the queen.. And how come Robert Mugabe is not been mentioned along with the queen.. *drops mic* or pen whatever

Illiterate

He picked up a book
Flipping through the pages as he perused
His eyes hitting every word with an unfamiliar stare
The more he tries to understand, the harder it gets like a fat lady going up the stairs
It was this same ABC he was taught as a boy
That every child could relate to and play with like a toy
He has never read through a single a sentence
And every time it gets to him reading in front of the class he gets tensed
Everyone says its as easy as it came
But while others are getting a plus he gets the cane
He is sure he would do better with craft
Probably he would be great at creative art
But if he can't read and write the society wont appreciate
Cause they'll still think him an illiterate

Akpabio don't trust Nigerian doctors

Some of you will say it is callous of me to take a swipe at a sick man or dying man whatever the case may seem to be..
But on careful thought let's look at another failed case of heroism in the Nigerian political hemisphere where a man who might have been hailed with so much achievement not just of Nigerian standard but world class standard will avoid his own establishment and fly overseas to seek help for the same reason he built it..

Senator Godswill Akpabio the former governor of Akwa-ibom state who was reported to have an auto crash early this week after beating traffic and colliding with an US embassy vehicle (let's skip the part of lawlessness and focus on something more important)...

News coming in later is that he is been flown overseas (actually UK) for medical treatment from the hospital he was previously admitted in at Abuja. Now before he left office as the governor of Akwa-ibom he commissioned a 30 billion Naira specialist world class standard hospital with ultra-modern medical facilities, at least that was what he told us...

My own now is that he left the same hospital and he is going abroad to UK or is it that the hospital don't have specialist who treats accident victims or he doesn't trust the medical personnel well enough to receive treatment from them?.. Or maybe he like other politicians enjoy flying in planes and going overseas just to chill away from all the Nigerian drama and madness

I am not disputing the fact that it is world standard just like the stadium he built that has only hosted one football match which the national team lost by the way and the NFF has been avoiding for reasons best known to them.. Well if the man who built it can not trust it well enough to use it who am I to go there for medical treatment..

Next time someone I know falls sick I'll just advice them to go to the UK for medical treatment and leave all this big hotels... I mean hospitals built by government in the name of projects..

...Erm I think I should stop writing here and help look for Buhari's land in port harcourt maybe he'll build more mud houses on them.

Amaechi and his hatred for money part2

When former governor of Rivers State Rt. Hon. Chibuike Amaechi said he hated money it all sounded like a joke but for real he does hate, actually he didn't categorically said he hated money he just said he doesn't like money so I just felt he meant he hated it...

The thing here is that the present governor Chief Barr. Nyesom Wike has been on his trail trying to pin him on corruption charges and he has even set up a panel to look into the expenditure of the previous government who the man in charge is a said sworn enemy to the previous governor, so to say we are looking at a kangaroo court only it will be having real humans
Now back to my story I mean Amaechi's story.. Now to prove he is right about not liking money he has written to a bank in the U.S I think Bancorp (that should be right), to return the sum of $757 million he was supposed to use for some project or so...

Well thinking of the fact that the present governor was a chief of staff to the former governor which means he is like a close ally and might have also partake in the sharing of what ever loot the former governor might have taken doesn't that indict him too? Seriously I can't tell how that investigation will be carried out..

Another thing is the fact that the former governor claims he left Ten Billion Naira Cash for the interim government but the current governor has his own claims too of not meeting any money at all not even Ten Thousand naira for allowee sef, so he was made to borrow Thirty Billion Naira.. Now I'm confused I don't know who to believe...

Whether there was money or not I think they should try and convince Mr. President to remember his promise of 5000 naira Monthly allowee.. Since he took over the office its been three months now we never see alert abi jobless people like us tell am say we no like money too...
If Amaechi doesn't like money and Wike did not see any money, me I like money and Amaechi should tell me the account he kept the ten billion naira so I can claim it

Ghana president is jobless

In Ghana I could guess how jobless the president is if he has time to tweet about a musician who has nothing he is bringing on the table politically or growing the economy of the country then you know he has plenty of time to lay about..

I can only imagine Buhari tweeting "I'm feeling Sani Danja's music like Inakwana" seriously I don't know what inakwana means I'm sure PDP will just ask he be impeached straight away because it shows he is not working at all..

Who will blame him I can bet they have stable economy, good power supply (at least I can ignore the multiple complaints I hear about ECG) , no insurgency, the health care is just perfect and of course he enjoys listening to stonebwoy as his favorite...

Now who will blame Obama if he sings Katy Perry "I kissed a girl". As "I kissed a boy" at least we understand he is trying to promote gay rights all over the world, so what is John Dramani Mahama trying to promote abi the man don turn blogger ni...

If he so much wants to promote entertainment in Ghana he should just do like the former President of Nigeria did and donate plenty money to the industry even if he will not redeem it..

Well I so much wish Buhari will tweet @iamDbanj. "I am feeling the n***ga" and see how much we will appreciate that... Sha wetin concern me, make I shut up before these Ghanians start taking it personal

Amaechi and his hatred for money

The love of money is the root of all evil.. And judging by the fact that Rotimi Amaechi did no evil as a governor it should be assumed that he doesn't like money that I am very sure, in a recent statement from an event held on his behalf he said it repeatedly making it clear that he hates money..

"Governor Nyesom Wike has again sponsored one advert in a bid to rubbish me. Only God knows that if there is one thing I don’t like, I don’t like money. Anybody close to me knows that I don’t like money. The governor and PDP are afraid of me getting an appointment to the national executive council. The current president abhors corruption and the only way they can stop me from getting the appointment is to paint me with corruption. And the people that know me in Rivers State know that I don’t like money. In Rivers, people know I don’t like money.”

Well those were his words not mine.. Me I don't like money too but if Rt. Hon Rotimi Amaechi will just give me half of the money he hates I think I'll hate money even more than he does me I don't want all sha...
And eeerm did you see that video of him doing that interview on CNN and that wad of cash he was trying to hide? Well I think for one who hates money he has plenty of it...

Everybody knows I hate talking, my audience knows I hate talking, the people of rivers state knows I hate talking especially as a comedian but if you give me some money I'll sure talk
I think this is where I'll drop the mic just hoping the people who hates money will just dash me some..

Rochas Okorocha and the golden handshake

#RochasOkorochaAndTheGoldenHandshake
I must say I'm really proud of my Governor, I mean the great Owelle Rochas Okorocha.. He used to be a wonderful philantropist until politics gave him a new turn to life...

Having contested for presidency several times which he has not passed the primaries in all political parties he has participated in.. Gave me serious thought about how he managed to pass through primary school.. Oh I forgot then it was elementary school or was it been measured in standard that's by the way..

My major concern is his recent achievement on the global scene at least that is what it seems to his people.. I mean which serving state governor has shook hands with a leader as powerful as Obama, by the look of things he needn't do much again in the state at least they have plenty of round abouts to go round for everyone..

Incase you don't understand what I'm trying to say just take a trip to Owerri the Imo state capital and see how many billboards have been mounted by eye service loyalists or is it even the governor that asked for it to be displayed.. Well that is not my business

I heard even as a returning governor he met an empty treasury too from a government he just finished ruling.. Well all that don't even matter anymore what's more important now is that golden handshake he got from Obama I'm sure even Oshomole and Amaechi will be envious... Something is telling he hasn't washed that hand since then...

Me I'm sure I will do the same so let me just shut up and focus on my job as he is on his handshake
#SatiricalSaturday #iWriteFluently