#SaveMayowa Burial Funds

Just two days ago I saw the picture of a young woman who would be in her twenties or so If I am not mistaking, she looked very sick and there is a message out their for people to donate for her treatment.
So I was trying to know what kind of sickness that could make one look so frailed but every message is just saying #savemayowa. It was later I saw one that says she has ovarian cancer.
Well just this afternoon a new post has surfaced from Linda Ikeji's Blog that it was a scam, the family knew she would die and they went ahead to raise money from good loving people.

Me on the other hand I just think that it's not as we see it, agreed the family knew she would die but the money was not for her treatment but burial or some sort.
Heard they raised about thirty million or so, the thing here is that burials are very expensive in Nigeria, it is more like a farewell party these days, so giving their beloved daughter a befitting burial is not such a bad idea after all and we should be grateful we contributed to that.

Now the only issue is that Nigerians as I know us won't comply to anymore donation to save a life, we can't let people scam us twice and if this is not looked into it will become a new hustle trust nigerians na..

Well let me just go and finish my bole and fish before it cold, since I don't have any other meaningful thing to do

Beggars With Rights

As we alighted from the taxi, we stood and waited for the driver to give us our change. Just a few minutes walk from the taxi we saw this old freckled looking man who would walk up to anyone asking for help.
He was in a pitiable position, so we thought of helping out (well my friend actually did). We've gone past him already so we went back to ask what he actually wanted, thinking he was looking for transport fare but to our surprise he brought out an asthmatic inhaler and showed us that he needed money to buy one.
Then I remembered having similar incident where a man came to me with the same asthma issue and I parted with a thousand naira hoping I was helping him.

This is just another cheap scam though, because immediately we said we didn't have money for inhaler he started cursing out, telling us how his god is bigger than us and all other crap.
I thought to myself if he has a family, will he be out there looking for who to buy him inhaler at the dead of the night or is this just a way he gets his daily bread, the city is filled with people like this who comes up with different stories just to extort money from people, either they went to visit a brother who is not around or their wife just delivered a set of twins and they needed money to pay the hospital bill or a very special case of a young man who is always going to uniport and needed transport fare.

The point is these beggars in a way have rights, they will tell what they want and the amount of money they hope to get from you.
You can't freely give anymore cause you don't know who is telling the truth about their situation anymore.
Just as we walked out on him I saw him going to another person for his inhaler money and it's past 10.00 pm already just wondering if he would meet his target that night

America's Newd First Lady

Being the nerd that I am, I think social media has taken away my social life. But who cares about me when there are more pressing issues going on in the world right now..

Let's take America for example (not the continent but the country... don't know why we even call them that) they have a lot of history to be made in the forth coming election. If Hillary Clinton emerges winner she'll be the first woman to become president in America and if Donald Trump wins then his wife becomes the first woman to be a first lady with her nudes out their in the world (that's some record too you know?).
Well that not being the only thing she has going for her right now...
The Internet was trolling her for the recent speech made, which by the way was a brilliant one if it wasn't known to the world to be an excerpt of Michelle Obama's speech but she is a Trump na, they can say what they like whether it's somebody's speech or not it's not their business.
I wouldn't blame Melania Trump though, I mean if Michelle gave all black women hope that they too can be a first lady despite their skin color I think Melania just proved that Kim khadasian, amber rose, blac chyna and any other stripper out there can rise to the position of a first lady just get married to the right man, with an ambition and be able to read other people's speeches it's that simple..

Well enough of all these talk about Melania, I think if Patience Jonathan was busy stealing other people's speech we won't have had all the comedy she gave us.

I think I should just shut up already.. please anyone with useful information about the Remi Tinubu vs Dino Melaye fight, I lost track on who was leading with the women protest

Nigeria; a Comedy of Errors

Been a while I wrote anything meaningful, but to take a good look at all that's happened so far and be sane in this country then you must be really tough minded...
I mean our president going deaf and abandoning all the medical centres in Nigeria to go to London for treatment, we could have blamed it on incompetence on the part of medical practitioners who won't mind going on strike while there is a drip running in your system or rather the fact that he himself have a fetish for international flight...
I mean the man is so patriotic that he dodged two visits one to Lagos and another to Port Harcourt, but he was well enough to fly out of the country.. issoright

We cannot down look the job of the anti-graft agency too who has been helpful in curbing corruption even though the lot of nigerians have been complaining that it's one sided (Ok not all, mostly PDP)... but still though there is one governor who do thinks the EFCC is too corrupt to fight corruption after he was indicted and he himself decides to drag the first lady into the fight...

We know mama peace was quite a character but you see Aunty Aisha could not hold it back when Fayose called her out... and like everybody who has been giving us something to trend on Twitter she took to her twitter handle and called Fayose a MAD DOG...
Well we were made to believe that the account was hacked and had been rectified in less than 24 hours but it didn't change the Fact that Fayose is still a mad dog...
And our first lady have joined Davido and his colleagues in registering her name on the list of twitter ranters (whatever that means)

I should go on but you see me I don't like trouble before Lai Muhammed will come and add the one I did not talk like the fresh tomato case that was caused by boko haram (actually in lai's statement)
So to avoid trouble lemme just put my full stop now.

Autism Is Better Than Madness

It's not every time we write about the ills of the society, sometimes when we see a good deed done by a Nigerian whether notable or not at least we should grace them with a little acknowledgement..

Today I saw one of the most amazing things that could go viral if photos were taken and posted online.. a certain young man suffering from autism who goes around in a popular market in the city of port harcourt preaching to market women and anyone who cares to listen..
Actually at a point I stopped believing in what these people do cause most of them have turned it into money making venture but I still think though there are a few genuine ones..
Well that is not my focus for now, the young autistic preacher today was giving out clothes to certain man I believed to be mentally deranged.. because he is not a politician or some celebrity he could not get a camera man to film it so he could brag about his generosity but I saw smiles on his face with a proof of joy that he is doing something good.

The moral here is that you don't really need to be super rich to affect a life.. you can bless people even with the little you have..
I think I learnt more than enough from this, if you think you are better than someone don't just laugh at them or scorn them help them out and they'll be happy you did...
The man with autism just proved himself better than the mad man

Man On A Pole; Put the Blame on Fashola

If you've seen the movie man on the ledge, yeah that one that have Sam Worthington on it... yeah that movie he climbed a very high building threatening to kill himself and then there was serious negotiation going on to save his life, then you will relate perfectly fine to what I'm about to write now...

Just few days ago a man climbed the top of a high tension pole threatening to kill himself if he wasn't giving 5 million naira..
That was risky you will say but let's take a little chill pill and reflect on some things that really got me thinking...

In such a situation there will be some negotiation which is supposed to bring this man to his senses and make him come down..
Then one will ask again how did he climb to the top of the pole with a bare body and was even standing on the wires... that is a first point of insult to Fashola, former Lagos State governor and current minister of power..
How? You will ask... it is his duty that there should be steady power supply, Ok maybe not steady but at least there should be power supply no matter how faint it may be and if he could climb there and is still alive to make demands then something is really wrong somewhere..

Well let's not cast all blames on fashola at least it wasn't until yesterday our budget of change was signed and they are yet to mobilise the allocation to every ministry and parastatal... it is totally not his fault
Maybe we should blame Ambode for that, or let's just leave the blames and focus on why the negotiation didn't work in the man's favour...

From what I heard, he was attended to by the state fire service and the police who was just trying to be a good citizen... but since the man was insisting on his 5 million naira and they themselves they are not earning five million naira even in a full year they decided to leave the man there... after all no be them send am to climb pole, and even if the money come sef wetin be there cut inside... someone will ask why didn't the government give in to his demands... well when that man climbed that pole our budget is yet to be signed so there was no allocation for suicide yet, Abi from which ministry would they have paid him from..

But the real truth is that nobody wants to die at all... else why would you go and climb electric pole when there is no light and you kukuma know say dem no go bring the light too... remember teebillz, ehn Aunty tiwa husband Shey him too say he wants to kill himself then e announce am on social media first..
If you want to die is it not to write suicide not and unlock your phone then you kill yourself and someone will find your body..

I am sure if that pole man had succeed by now people will be dragging space on poles..
Me I cannot come and go and kee myself on top nepa pole..
#satiricalsaturday

NEW JOB ALERT; Lai Muhammed and the masqueraders

After a very long break, I think Lai muhammed knows how to bring one out of hiding..
I have been trying so hard to ignore all the ridiculous issues that've been popping up like Google ads in Nigeria but I think this one is a huge masquerade I can't ignore...

When Labran Maku made that statement about Goodluck Jonathan bringing facebook to Nigeria, I was thinking he is the most misinformed minister of information but since the arrival of uncle Lai Muhammed I just can't place anything worse anymore...

Besides a lot of ridiculous statements he has made in recent times I think the masquerade jobs is the king of all for now though (he still has three more years before we are sure of no more ridiculous statements)
Well I wouldn't blame him much, if our minister of science and technology could be thinking of pencils in a digital age while won't Lai Muhammed think of bringing back masquerades, I think the man thought of his old job and how beneficial it was to him back then in the village and decided to solve nigeria's looming problem of unemployment by suggesting styling a masquerade...

I'm sure swanky jerry will be thinking about this new job offer by now..
I mean one masquerade equals one thousand jobs, judging from how much these masquerades make from their parade you can bet the salary will be enviable and soon enough there will be ministry of masquerade dressing...

Me I'm even jobless sef... being a comedian doesn't pay as much as you could think anymore since they started probing people and right now the second option is to go to mother's village in Ebonyi state, they have plenty of masquerade there lemme see if I can secure one well payed job there...

Please if you are related to any of the senators with the new SUV, I wouldn't mind a ride in one of them while I await my masquerade job. #midweeksatire