Nigerian senators are very generous

Being a citizen of Nigeria is getting tougher by the day..
You just can't raise your hand up and say I am proudly nigerian when you realise all that is happening at the moment, although I'm not saying you should pledge your allegiance somewhere else. All I'm saying is its just not what it looks like when painted in green and white...

Now to start with the long term fuel scarcity that was like a plague to the nation where fuel was almost sold at 500 naira per litre and our supposed minister of petroleum did not do his bit to assure us all will be well but was on a travelling spree.. well maybe he went to beg for fuel, as they could not perform neither magic nor miracle to stabilise the price of fuel..
With all things returning to normalcy I guess I can let go for now

Another issue bothering nigerians now is the cattle grazing bill we are busy saying no to...
For a start if the fulani herdsmen taking there cattle to graze in other people's farm land is causing trouble is it not right we import grasses from Brazil and give them a large piece of land to graze their cattles? I'm just saying, maybe this is the first solution our government have to a problem why not give it a try..
Well I guess that is not important at all and by the way where do these herdsmen get the guns and other weapons they use... (no be me start the talk oh)

Thank God the president is back from China, at least maybe a few national issues will be addressed before the next trip, and everyone who is against the presidential Chinese trip should at least have a second thought, maybe he told us he went to collect loan but I on the other hand I'm thinking he went to appreciate china for saving the nigerian government from incompetency...
I'm sure some of you will ask how it is simple.. since our government can't give us steady power supply china provided an alternative and gave us generators and rechargeable torches and fans and other small gadgets that are very useful to us nigerians..
You see the visit was a diplomatic one which we need to applaud the president for and even if he went to collect loan he was only trying to borrow the money we gave them to doing business I'm sure there was no pay back plan for it.. well let me not be too sure but it was a wise move. Those people don chop our money well well since we can produce any merchandise they will need let's collect our money back...

Please don't take it the wrong way I am not fayose who is not thinking straight Mr. President just go back and collect the money we need it for other purposes...

I know we nigerians are generous our senators just confirmed it... we will rather pay double the amount than pay the real price..
I don't think we know how this works yet but we will surely understand it is important for our own good...
If we must fight corruption we need to start spending like the past corrupt leaders else we won't know how to tackle them...
I just love being a nigerian at least we are very generous.. FYI I have some properties for sale but you have to pay double the original price

Fuel Scarcity in Nigeria; Should We Blame The President or Minister of Petroleum

I love my country no matter what happens but...
Now, when you use but in a sentence it means it's not really what you wanted to say, though I do not mean otherwise too. I am just saying a lot is going on right now and we need to address it...

We are having a lingering fuel scarcity in the country which have made the price of fuel sold at our local fuel station indecisive adding with the faulty machine that reads what ever it likes, well, but who can we blame for that. Is it the president or minister of petroleum? But since its just one person occupying both positions we should just blame them both...
On the other hand the minister of petroleum state actually took the fall for it, and not like he decided to be the Jesus it just happened that the minister of petroleum is not available for scrutiny so someone needs to take the blame and there goes Mr. Kachikwu who cannot perform magic to stabilise the problem at hand...
Well since they promised us fuel will sell at 40 naira per litre.. we will just continue to queue until then..
It looks like it's bad but come to think of it there have been massive job creation since this fuel wahala started at least a lot of people have joined the oil and gas sector.. or haven't you noticed those vendors who sell black market fuel close to the same petrol station you have been queueing up for days on end, Abi you wan tell me say that one too no be job?
Well I rest my case before someone comes and give me a dirty slap but trust me like a good christian i'll return it in double fold... after all #iamnotstandingwithanyone

Rivers Re-run Elections; A Rat Race

Just this past weekend rivers state experienced another mini episode of unrest, well it's just the usual election drill, snatching of ballot boxes fake electoral papers, political thugs, clueless party agents and ignorant voters lining up.. maybe they did take it up a bit this time using social media as iwitness report to give us happenings at election ground...

However it was the most awkward media report I've seen in my entire life except something more stupid tops that in the future for now it stays number one...
Well both parties were taking turns to post same pictures accusing each other of thuggery... I could have let that pass but it was kind of confusing because it was meant to be propaganda to out do themselves but it was more like two stupid girls trying to use same lie to win a guy over

I really don't know how the praise singers of these politicians think but everyone's brain is not really under their flip flops...
And to think of the most obscured the only thing they normally provide for their subjects who would have to stand under scorching sun to vote them which use to be rice and groundnut oil did not surface, so now we would only think of our benefits for voting them as nothing

I am just saying when they get up there its done no one cares again until it's time to make campaign promises again they will return like king Kong and climbed the towers of our head making us feel important until after the elections (I call that wili-wili politics)...

Well for those that died during the process it's a shame your blood counted instead of your votes, and FYI the people you died for forgets you as soon as results will be called (who am I kidding you won't even know I wrote this article, you guys are dead) but it's actually the end...

Well at least me my pvc is not wasting, I'm actually using it properly to clear myself when they ask for a valid identification...

Lemme just go before PDP will say APC sent me, then another APC guy will pin point me to PDP... lemme just clear the politically I stand with KOWA (don't even know what that stands for)

Rivers Politics; A Charade Of Stupidness

Rivers state used to be peaceful and level headed but something went wrong, that I can't say for sure but power was mishandled and politics became a bloody war...

The past governor and the present are just two adults wearing diaper, with the kind of utterance they make you will just start thinking how did these two people got trusted with our vote of confidence... well maybe they rigged the vote but I'm sure we voted too...

The fact that there is an election coming doesn't mean one should run for his dear life... Ok wait to be safe here you better run and don't look back like lot...
The same politicians who are sponsoring a non-violence election campaign on every mass media platform are the same politicians thugs are killing themselves over for, you see why you shouldn't believe them when they make their promises to serve and protect us, well they are actually serving and protecting their loot....

My question is how on earth did we get to this point of no return, I would have loved to see an election where people qeue up to vote genuinely and are not waiting for tips after selling their votes for rice and ground nut oil or some 500 naira stipends, where you have to understand that these politicians don't bring their children and family members to the political war they have engaged you on...

They make sure you don't get enough and make you appreciate them for providing you with basic amenities which is part of your tax money...

I know the past and present governors used to be buddies.. but hey even africa's most famous twins have broken up like two teenagers in a bad relationship, my point here is that both of them should just take their beef to twitter or Instagram I heard beefs are very tasty there and stop polluting the state with their stinking dirty laundry we don't care about that...
I mean knowing about their dirty lives doesn't change the fact that pure water is now being sold for 20 naira...
Well all these fighting is just incessant and uncalled for. Even uncle Trump is proven smarter than this two put together at least he is making sense to the true Americans that have pretend to love the rest of the world when they clearly don't but our governor buddies on the other hand... well lemme leave them alone before they come beat me up and start saying it's both of them with accusing fingers pointing at either direction...

I'm done here

RSVP- Rice and Stew Very Plenty

Just married or about to wed? There is always a plan for every wedding and that plan begins with the invitation card...
A lot of nigerians have been guilty of the RSVP (respondez s' il vous plait) which literally means respond if you will come let's make your reservations.. but not in Nigeria not at all it means Rice and Stew Very Plenty, and you can tell by the names and number provided by the couple in charge...

Most wedding cards RSVP is just to show how connected they are or one rich uncle or relation that will be sponsoring the wedding.. so in most cases you get a wedding card and you look at the RSVP it's the name of some highly placed individual in the society who knows little or nothing about the wedding preparations or why his number is placed on the RSVP list...

Sometimes we mistake this part of the wedding card to be names of chairman and members of the prestigious high table so it is very proper we fill them in..
I on the other hand wouldn't cast much blame to people who fall into this RSVP trap cause that is what they have seen people do and they on the other hand do not have any concrete plan as to how many people they are supposed to house as guest...

A lot of people get angry when you don't show up at their wedding whether invited or not, they don't care if the hall was flooded with people or if the food did not get to everyone it is not important what is important is that they have a mass attendance at their reception... in fact wedding crashing is not an option on the other hand they will pray as many people as possible crashes the wedding to the ground because the number of persons present at the reception could tell how successful the wedding is..
Because you don't have a plan you decide who gets your souvenir by the number of wedding gifts you get...

The real idea of an rsvp is to know the number of persons you are planning to receive as guest that way you can plan towards that number in terms of feeding and souvenir so you can be able to know the size of your budget but hell no I've seen people distributing wedding cards like it's a concert flyer and most times they forget the hall is supposed to hold just 200 persons but they want 400 in attendance

Next time you get a wedding card try calling the rsvp to make your reservations just to see if they are aware of their duty post...
Well for now i'll just rest my case and wait till Saturday when i'll be crashing another wedding..

licensed to preach in kaduna state

I'm putting my thoughts on display again, like I said my thoughts just my opinion. It doesn't matter if it counts or not what's important is that it shows you what I'm thinking or mostly how ridiculous I can see normal issues...
Sorry I forgot to tell you these thoughts of mine are from the most ridiculous part of my brain, I don't know if you have yours?

Now to the real reason why I was explaining myself for no particular reason to you who doesn't care, a lot has happened in just few days since my last satirical article so much to give me enough to write about but I'll just try and focus on one..

To be sincere the issue of nigerians to be paid 5000 naira by the presidency which is now not an issue any more since our president could not recall ever a time he said that and then later it was said to be the political party he was voted on that made it as part of their campaign promise and not the presidency...
I think every jobless nigerian should understand that it is a norm not to fulfil campaign promise in Nigeria yet they won't let our president enjoy his abroad trips in peace...

Next I would have talked about is the importation of grasses from Brazil which when I looked up on it has a justifiable means to that, I mean the fulani herdsmen going through people's farm and later causing a fracas that will lead to bloody deaths should be curtailed so we need foreign grasses to keep them in check, well i'll just leave it to our famed twitter senator uncle Ben Murray Bruce to handle that since we are still trying to buy Nigeria to grow naira (that is the only protein it needs to grow)

Okay now to my issue of today, the recent bill being sponsored by the governor of kaduna state to place a ban on unlicensed preachers or public display of religiosity (if that ever is a word). So my thought on this is that before you preach or do any religious gathering you have to seek for license which could be granted to you maybe if they have a knowledge of what you are gathering for in other words if you get the license and they happen to understand that you are talking down someone else's religion or inciting some negative thoughts your license could be revoked and you do two years prison term...

Funny enough we will be needing license to go to evangelism and to play gospel messages and all those church songs too...
Before you put horn speakers you should know that there will be a license for that too...

What's important right now is the fact that you may not want to whistle any church song in public anymore cause you don't know who is behind you waiting to report you to the authorities..
Well good thing this is just happening in kaduna state alone for now... Ok it's yet to be a law cause all these people who have decided to open in a ministry in the market where they now use as a daily hustle to prophesy to market women and collect offering... well the end point is that the gospel must be preached whether licensed or not and this applies to every religion not just Christians

I need to get my license before I hit kaduna state for any event cause we can't tell what they consider as gospel or not...
On this note I say goodbye

Ese Oruru; a case of Kidnap and Child Molestation

The Ese Oruru story has raised a lot of mixed reactions amongst nigerians... I have read a lot of posts about this issue with blames on the girl and the mother from people who were quick to jump into conclusion like a happy frog, without following through the real story... I am not close to both mother and daughter neither was I close to the culprit either, but from every single detail gathered from news papers that tried to give us a first hand information of the said incident, it was clear that this was a case of African voodoo used to manipulate the mind of the little girl... Like they claimed she eloped with the said yinusa guy, why are they trying to falsify her age to fit their marriage requirement.. and how come they were the ones shielding her from her mother... This is really a crazy story, this is child molestation, rape and abuse, the authorities involved should not let the culprit go unpunished or else they will be giving room for more abduction of the girl child While the story of the chibok girls abducted by boko haram is slowly fading out like cassette player on its last song justice is yet to prevail. Let's not make the Ese Oruru case just another news story with a happy ending like it's a fairy tale, prosecute whosoever is involved and let that little girl and every other child that is being held up against their will be hopeful of a better tomorrow