Very Merry Christmas

From the chimney of your heart
I come with my pen-deer like claus santa
Bringing you this little gift of smile
Cause you've been a good friend through this mile
I have to wait till the night is silent
And the stars are brightly shinning
So I can write you this poem as...
I wish you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

The Government is Irresponsible

Finally we have come to the last Saturday of the year 2015, which by the way doesn't sound like a good news to a lot of single women who probably have gotten prophecies that the year will not end without them being in their husband's house well unfortunately for some of them we can not declare the year inconclusive and have a rerun...

But of all things I think 2015 was an interesting year especially in the Nigerian political scene. Today i just want recall some of the ridiculous moments. I'll start with the late Abubakar Audu of blessed memory well his case though tragic but was funny at the same (this is what theatre art practitioners call tragicomedy). Don't go judging me on this one you should at least analyse the situation with me, a man who is close to becoming the governor of his state die just few hours before the final result could be announced (I call this one DOA "death on arrival").

It would have ended there but his supposed deputy governor refused to rerun as a deputy governor to who ever was to be chosen by the political party as replacement, which to me was rather ironic choosing to the fact that he has agreed on first hand to be a deputy governor so why decline now, well na e sabi

Next was the case of Mr president appointing himself as petroleum minister and there was a heavy fuel scarcity over the nation well if that was the so much preached change we were expecting then I think we got it wrong... and talking about change I think the bus drivers and conductors will not agree with them judging by the lack of change for passengers who travel with them...

Meanwhile, why we were busy crying about fuel scarcity they opened Dasuki's gate revealing a list of names that benefited from a certain money released on security bill from the past government.. it was quite an interesting list though with names of high ranking government officials and business men, including people who were tipped for services rendered, it was a huge amount of money though and the way it went round you could bet that was the national cake we've so much heard about since we were little.. well for all I could say about this case is that Dasuki is such a snitch I mean who would mention everybody's name just to save his neck... I am more careful about who I collect money from these days before someone Dasuki on me...

Finally before I sign out for the year I just want to say thank you to every one who has been reading my posts.. you are the main reason I write every Saturday and midweek maybe not every Saturday but at least every time I write..

And I think we have an irresponsible government, please don't get me wrong the government has never claimed responsibility on anything that has happened in this country rather they said Jonathan is responsible if you think I'm lying ask Lai Muhammed

I think I need to stop here before I run out of ink and this one our law makers now know how to use social media after spending tax payers money on learning how to now they want to lock us up for talking about the government...

I think I've said too much let me give peace a chance and #prayfornigeria to get better and catch you on the flip side of 2016 with more satirical post

Buhari's Fund Raising Agenda

After a very long break I'm taking my time out to disturb your little peace. It is no longer news that Nigeria as a nation is very broke, I mean can't pay salary broke in fact state governors are working on cutting down minimum wage from eighteen thousand naira to only God knows what (as if 18,000 is not meagre enough), just to keep up with the salary scheme..

But from the look of things I think the Federal Government is seriously working on stabilising the economy at least if not making it better than it was, I guess this will explain all the foreign trips that the president cum petroleum minister and (foreign affairs minister) had to put that in bracket cause it's not his real office but I think on the other hand his foreign trips are yielding fruits at least Lai Muhammad cannot lie about that one..

From what I've noticed he has developed a fund raising technique which besides fighting corruption and retrieving looted funds from corrupt office holders is imposing fines indirectly, MTN nigeria was the first victim and then they brought the anti social media bill which is still undergoing scrutiny in the Senate which if passed the penalty is two million naira fine or two years in prison what a fine strategy of making money for the government....

Now my recent concern is the announcement made by the minister if works and power Babatunde Fashola informing us that the toll gate which was long gone and forgotten will be doing a come back like a fugitive on exile that is due to return, and I guess they are expecting us Nigerians to embrace it with open arms, I think that is a very good development taking us to the future where every country in the world is standing right now....

Me what is my own sef, I don't even have a car and I so love the future Nigeria is creating for us, come to think of it FG will not pay us that five thousand naira at least we would have used it to buy data and post on social media maybe by now they would have made their first two million and how would they have gotten any culprit since they claim they don't have our datas...

Let me stop before they come and arrest me for slander and my ink is almost finished Ok bye... will be back with more satire.

Oshiomole, Blame It On The Rainfall

Been a while I wrote anything so ridiculous, been on a personal break and busy with a whole lot of other things but right now I'm breaking the silence like Adelle..
Ok enough of me nothing ridiculous has happened to me but Oshiomole on the other helped me broke my silence ...

I have admired this man in the Pro NLC days. All the activism and fight for the rights of the common man or should I say he has been campaigning for the post of the Governor and he has been using the NLC as a good channel to proclaim his course.. Which he won by the way

Well the major reason why he is visiting the blog today was because of what I heard him say, that rain has been the major reason why he hasn't done much in terms of infrastructure in Edo State for the past 7 years..

I know Lucky Igbenedion wasn't the best of Governor but at least he didn't blame the rain or too much sunshine for his lack of performance as a governor, and to think of it there is constant supply of rain here in Rivers State yet even the recently self elected Governor.(i.e in the context of APC and Dakuku Peterside) has done a lot of work than the activist cum Politician Oshiomole can actually boast of...

Well I'm forced to believe him on that judging with the fact that the rains did not stop him from getting a new and beautiful wife, which has helped him to bring alive the epic disney story "Beauty and the Beast" or is that the princess and frog? I was thinking it was Shrek and Princess Fiona, whatever. Maybe anytime it rains he remembers he has a new wife he can't leave alone

Back to serious issues, I guess since he inherited an ancient town maybe he is trying to preserve the original nature of the Ancient city of Benin, this is a better excuse only if he has thought of it first,

In the mean time, can someone help tell the minister of petroleum that we are suffering here, bus fare has gone up and people are trekking to save some distance..
And don't forget to #PrayforNigeria as you are #PrayingForParis cause this is as serious as any terrorist attack

I'm done... let me drop my pen and put on my safari khaki suit as I hope rains will not stop you from this

Lai Muhammed's idea of winning a war

I've been trying to block out all ridiculousness for some time now but its really difficult to do so... I mean with the IPOB protest in Rivers State that has APC and PDP accusing themselves of plotting an unrest in the State..

The ministerial screening with Fashola denying signing a cheque and Amaechi insisting that he hates corruption and the FG giving the famous Boko Haram sect their final, final, final warning (you know how we use to say it when we was still small) but of all Lai Mohammed is like my game changer now..

"Increase in Boko Haram bombing means we are winning the war" those were his words not mine, just a bit confused though I thought with the killings of more boko haram members we should say we are winning and not the other way round but who am I to say other wise, if the presidential spokes man thinks loosing more lives to the sect is winning the war then we might as well start popping champagne every time a bomb goes off in a public place..

I don't know his qualification as a person and the criteria of which he was chosen to make statement but I can see another Reuben Abati repeating itself, this was the same kind of issues we were getting during the GEJ tenure, the kind of report that get you thinking if this people have anything called a brain and if they do, does it really work..

Well I'm done talking about Lai Mohammed, let me just shut up before someone nullify's my blog and thinking about the rivers state situation all I can say is this is just karma.. Wike + Amaechi - Omehia, Amaechi + Dakuku - Wike...
I rest my case

Allison Madueke- richest black woman

Since the news of the arrest of former Petroleum Minister Allison Deiziani- Madueke there have been a lot of mixed feelings so far from Nigerians... Some are disregarding the NEWS as being false, some thinks she is innocent and others believed she is guilty...

I know one may ask what's my take on this but the truth is I don't really have a take on it, I just think if she is found guilty she should be prosecuted if not she should be freed and be apologized to for the humiliation and harassment but to think of the said amount she was caught with then one has to really pry into this issue...

Well reporters can be really terrible at reporting news how can you say she was caught with £13 billion cash in her hand bag.. I mean do you know the quantity of cash that is? That is an outrageous amount of money... I'm sure by now Oprah Winfrey and Alakija will be thinking how come nobody has ever mentioned Deiziani in the Forbes list and making them feel like they are really rich

If the UK court reported that they seized £27, 000 I think that is an understandable or should I say reasonable amount of money but £13 billion??? I mean with that kind of money she can just walk straight into Bucking ham palace and give the Queen a dirty slap and the queen will appreciate her for it

Come to think of the fact that during her time as Petroleum Minister there was a lot of misappropriation of funds in the ministry as heard on the news... I have been wondering why the president is announcing himself as the next petroleum minister until I started hearing the kind of money involved...

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he is going in to collect his own money well the truth is I don't know why he is going in sha I just don't want to point accusing fingers yet but if he is so keen on becoming a minister then one would suggest he be Minister of Defense judging from the insurgency which is currently a problem to the currently and the fact that he was an Army General but he chose petroleum in the stead.. Well na im sabi

Me I'm just here waiting for the senate to commence screening as I will watch the President take his turn in the ministerial screening as our new Petroleum Minister...
Erm where is my popcorn and coke sef this film suppose make sense..

Me Being Patriotic

Me being patriotic is not dressing up in all green
Matching round and drinking everything in bottles that comes in green
Me being Patriotic is reciting the two stanzas of the national anthem
Eating akpu for breakfast and lunch bole
Going to weddings dressed in my native attire
And not choking myself with a piece of tie
I may not take a bullet for mr. President
And our lawmakers I may not defend
Singing their praise every time they let a kobo slip off their greedy pockets
Streaming down to my little needy hands
All in the selfish name of empowerment
Me being patriotic is telling a corrupt police officer to go to hell
And taking down every good punch and slap that my face could felt
I'm happy we are 55 with our much achievements
At least those who distribute power were quick to cut it off
Before I could hear the good will message from Mr president
That's Patriotic of them if I can say
So I urge all Compatriots be quick to pour some palm wine and celebrate
Cause that's the true spirit of Patriotism

Boko Haram Now speak French

In my own very opinion... I can say Boko Haram Vs Nigerian Govt have been the most ridiculous battle ever fought... It is either they kill shekau today and he ressurects tomorrow or they tell us they've wiped out Boko Haram and the next minute you hear of a bomb blast sponsored by them.. Now they said they are tired of fighting, shey who don tire to fight na to drink water rest.

And to think of the fact that our own president travelled to France to seek assistance on Negotiating with Boko Haram will give every right thinking Nigerian a second thought, do they speak french? I use to think they speak Hausa how come the president didn't negotiate with them himself since that is his primary language or rather go to any top Islamic Arab speaking country to ask for help but he did france instead..

Well na him sabi

And from what I heard in the News the other day our own Army said they have cleared the famous Sambisa Forest and yet none of the said Chibok girls were found not even a single girl.. Or is it that they have married out the girls or what but how can they be that heartless to marry them out without their parents consent who will collect the bride price kwanu... 

Let me stop here abeg, I can't tell who is who these days.. Before someone erm.... I didn't say anything sha 

Saraki's False Asset Declaration Saga

It was a nice idea having public office holders declare their assets publicly at least if not for any other reason just for transparency sake..

After the President and Vice President publicly declared their's I thought very much that the Senate President should be the next in line and I wasn't wrong about that, however on a second thought he shouldn't have, not because I think he was a corrupt governor but... actually I have no reason why I said so other than the former

Just after he felt he was being upright and went public with his wealth he was invited by the Code of Conduct Bureau for FALSE DECLARATION of ASSET (had to put that in caps so you know how serious it was)... Now one may ask if he doesn't know exactly what he's worth or because he has more than he can account for he couldn't really recall all

In my humble opinion which he wouldn't have listened to by the way I think he would have just like Nyesom Wike claim to have declared his asset privately to the authorities involved or rather pretend like he didn't know about asset declaration and just continue doing his business like every other Nigerian

Now I heard they want to arrest him for embezzlement of public funds as a state governor... If he had known he wouldn't have rushed into being the senate president at least nobody will be compelling him to declare any asset or he wouldn't have out of eye service go and declare his asset...

I'll just stop writing and wait for the next busy body politician who wouldn't check his means of wealth acquisition before going to declare his asset publicly or privately as some claims...

How Free is Free Education in Nigeria

I think the idea of providing education free of charge to your subordinates is really interesting, it shows a certain level of concern for development and progress but making people pay for free education is what I'm yet to understand..

I mean nothing is wrong if you do pay their tuition fees and allow them buy uniforms and learning materials like books and pen.. Though some governors have gone the extra mile to provide uniforms and books which made education look totally free in their states.. And to add to all, they have made the school buildings worth a learning environment...

My concern how ever is the fact that despite the fact that some governors after announcing free education as part of the dividends of democracy to their subjects will still ask the state ministry of education to collect levy from the students as money for development.. which brings me to the question "what is the money allocated to the state for education is meant for if not development"

I did attend a public school so I know the kind of development they get their.. You levy them money for library fee and there is no building that is labeled as a library not to talk of having exercise books with hand written notes for them to read, I wouldn't want to talk about science Laboratory cause there might be one but since I wasn't a science student I might not have noticed any for lack of interest...

One time I heard a caller on radio telling the presenter they were asked to pay the sum of five thousand naira for school Identity Card.. Now that is extortion from a principal who thinks the government is corrupt because he is not a politician yet... Well that is Nigeria for you

All I'm trying to say is that they should stop telling us about free education if they will still ask them to pay levy... On my own part when they make campaign promises they should tell us "we will give you free education with development levies" then we know what to expect from them and not them surprising us with development levies when they are in power..

I think I've said my piece and I sure can go take a piss where no one will ask me to pay any levy..

Wike's Private Declaration of Assets

Since the President and Vice President declared their assets publicly I have been hoping to see who will follow suite but quite unfortunate the governors are all bad followers...

It would have been easy to say we will eradicate corruption in Nigeria if we know how much money you have before assuming office, how much is your salary and other allowances, how much is the allocation you get and how much you will be worth after your term as a public service holder (I probably have said how much a lot)...

But funny enough everyone occupying public office is shying away from the topic, probably they've made plans to leave the office far richer than they came in by amassing wealth from public funds or some who have been public office holders before now may not be able to explain their investments and how it came about (its just me thinking sha)

My thought though could not be mistaken if the present governor of Rivers State have told the public that he has declared his assets privately, well I wouldn't say he has plans to loot public funds but if we can recall the amount of money he spent convincing people that he is the better candidate for the position then we can't just blame him for trying to recover his money back before he starts going public about his wealth.

But who wouldn't? If the Nigerian political system demands you to have a lot of money before you can vie for any top public office I mean spend a lot of money rather.. I don't think the declaration of assets publicly is necessary, I mean what if the president has more than two mud houses and he told us he has just two or the vice president is not as rich as he claimed to be but he needed to make the president look poor..

You see Mr. Wike sorry I beg your pardon Chief Barr. Wike or daddy Wiks as we call him made something clear that the declaration of assets publicly is not important as long as you can give your people the dividends of democracy and good governance, meaning no matter how much of public funds you steal as long as you can be able to deliver to your people you can be pardoned..

I just have said a lot on this and I haven't even declared mine but who cares if I have just one blackberry hand set that keeps me happy, no mud house any where, no land anywhere in Port harcourt at least me I'm sure of my own (if the president doesn't know where his land in port harcourt is) and uhm... Nothing further to add.

is Prince Charles happy?

#MidweekSatire
Today in Britain Queen Elizabeth the 2nd is been celebrated as british longest serving monarch whereby making her the oldest to have ever sat on that seat which of course is worth celebrating but my question here is, is Prince Charles also celebrating?

She I mean Queen Elizabeth the 2nd have been ruling since 1952 till today I'm writing this piece..That was way before I was born and I'm sure I haven't lived up to half the years she have ruled either.. Since Prince Charles is the heir to the throne and he is still hoping on becoming the King of England someday well I can say that is a very long hope..

I'm sure somewhere in his heart he is praying that it gets to him real quick.. I'm not saying that he is praying for her to die, I mean who will pray for the queen to die ok I can't say that for sure but I can only reason with Charles and Williams that the quicker she thinks about stepping down the faster it will be for Prince George who is fourth in line.

Meanwhile I think Mohammadu Buhari might be Nigeria's Oldest serving president I meant by age not years of ruling though.. Since there was a lot of controversy about how old he might be during the elections.. Wouldn't it be nice for Nigeria to have a president as old as the queen.. And how come Robert Mugabe is not been mentioned along with the queen.. *drops mic* or pen whatever

Illiterate

He picked up a book
Flipping through the pages as he perused
His eyes hitting every word with an unfamiliar stare
The more he tries to understand, the harder it gets like a fat lady going up the stairs
It was this same ABC he was taught as a boy
That every child could relate to and play with like a toy
He has never read through a single a sentence
And every time it gets to him reading in front of the class he gets tensed
Everyone says its as easy as it came
But while others are getting a plus he gets the cane
He is sure he would do better with craft
Probably he would be great at creative art
But if he can't read and write the society wont appreciate
Cause they'll still think him an illiterate

Akpabio don't trust Nigerian doctors

Some of you will say it is callous of me to take a swipe at a sick man or dying man whatever the case may seem to be..
But on careful thought let's look at another failed case of heroism in the Nigerian political hemisphere where a man who might have been hailed with so much achievement not just of Nigerian standard but world class standard will avoid his own establishment and fly overseas to seek help for the same reason he built it..

Senator Godswill Akpabio the former governor of Akwa-ibom state who was reported to have an auto crash early this week after beating traffic and colliding with an US embassy vehicle (let's skip the part of lawlessness and focus on something more important)...

News coming in later is that he is been flown overseas (actually UK) for medical treatment from the hospital he was previously admitted in at Abuja. Now before he left office as the governor of Akwa-ibom he commissioned a 30 billion Naira specialist world class standard hospital with ultra-modern medical facilities, at least that was what he told us...

My own now is that he left the same hospital and he is going abroad to UK or is it that the hospital don't have specialist who treats accident victims or he doesn't trust the medical personnel well enough to receive treatment from them?.. Or maybe he like other politicians enjoy flying in planes and going overseas just to chill away from all the Nigerian drama and madness

I am not disputing the fact that it is world standard just like the stadium he built that has only hosted one football match which the national team lost by the way and the NFF has been avoiding for reasons best known to them.. Well if the man who built it can not trust it well enough to use it who am I to go there for medical treatment..

Next time someone I know falls sick I'll just advice them to go to the UK for medical treatment and leave all this big hotels... I mean hospitals built by government in the name of projects..

...Erm I think I should stop writing here and help look for Buhari's land in port harcourt maybe he'll build more mud houses on them.

Amaechi and his hatred for money part2

When former governor of Rivers State Rt. Hon. Chibuike Amaechi said he hated money it all sounded like a joke but for real he does hate, actually he didn't categorically said he hated money he just said he doesn't like money so I just felt he meant he hated it...

The thing here is that the present governor Chief Barr. Nyesom Wike has been on his trail trying to pin him on corruption charges and he has even set up a panel to look into the expenditure of the previous government who the man in charge is a said sworn enemy to the previous governor, so to say we are looking at a kangaroo court only it will be having real humans
Now back to my story I mean Amaechi's story.. Now to prove he is right about not liking money he has written to a bank in the U.S I think Bancorp (that should be right), to return the sum of $757 million he was supposed to use for some project or so...

Well thinking of the fact that the present governor was a chief of staff to the former governor which means he is like a close ally and might have also partake in the sharing of what ever loot the former governor might have taken doesn't that indict him too? Seriously I can't tell how that investigation will be carried out..

Another thing is the fact that the former governor claims he left Ten Billion Naira Cash for the interim government but the current governor has his own claims too of not meeting any money at all not even Ten Thousand naira for allowee sef, so he was made to borrow Thirty Billion Naira.. Now I'm confused I don't know who to believe...

Whether there was money or not I think they should try and convince Mr. President to remember his promise of 5000 naira Monthly allowee.. Since he took over the office its been three months now we never see alert abi jobless people like us tell am say we no like money too...
If Amaechi doesn't like money and Wike did not see any money, me I like money and Amaechi should tell me the account he kept the ten billion naira so I can claim it

Ghana president is jobless

In Ghana I could guess how jobless the president is if he has time to tweet about a musician who has nothing he is bringing on the table politically or growing the economy of the country then you know he has plenty of time to lay about..

I can only imagine Buhari tweeting "I'm feeling Sani Danja's music like Inakwana" seriously I don't know what inakwana means I'm sure PDP will just ask he be impeached straight away because it shows he is not working at all..

Who will blame him I can bet they have stable economy, good power supply (at least I can ignore the multiple complaints I hear about ECG) , no insurgency, the health care is just perfect and of course he enjoys listening to stonebwoy as his favorite...

Now who will blame Obama if he sings Katy Perry "I kissed a girl". As "I kissed a boy" at least we understand he is trying to promote gay rights all over the world, so what is John Dramani Mahama trying to promote abi the man don turn blogger ni...

If he so much wants to promote entertainment in Ghana he should just do like the former President of Nigeria did and donate plenty money to the industry even if he will not redeem it..

Well I so much wish Buhari will tweet @iamDbanj. "I am feeling the n***ga" and see how much we will appreciate that... Sha wetin concern me, make I shut up before these Ghanians start taking it personal

Amaechi and his hatred for money

The love of money is the root of all evil.. And judging by the fact that Rotimi Amaechi did no evil as a governor it should be assumed that he doesn't like money that I am very sure, in a recent statement from an event held on his behalf he said it repeatedly making it clear that he hates money..

"Governor Nyesom Wike has again sponsored one advert in a bid to rubbish me. Only God knows that if there is one thing I don’t like, I don’t like money. Anybody close to me knows that I don’t like money. The governor and PDP are afraid of me getting an appointment to the national executive council. The current president abhors corruption and the only way they can stop me from getting the appointment is to paint me with corruption. And the people that know me in Rivers State know that I don’t like money. In Rivers, people know I don’t like money.”

Well those were his words not mine.. Me I don't like money too but if Rt. Hon Rotimi Amaechi will just give me half of the money he hates I think I'll hate money even more than he does me I don't want all sha...
And eeerm did you see that video of him doing that interview on CNN and that wad of cash he was trying to hide? Well I think for one who hates money he has plenty of it...

Everybody knows I hate talking, my audience knows I hate talking, the people of rivers state knows I hate talking especially as a comedian but if you give me some money I'll sure talk
I think this is where I'll drop the mic just hoping the people who hates money will just dash me some..

Rochas Okorocha and the golden handshake

#RochasOkorochaAndTheGoldenHandshake
I must say I'm really proud of my Governor, I mean the great Owelle Rochas Okorocha.. He used to be a wonderful philantropist until politics gave him a new turn to life...

Having contested for presidency several times which he has not passed the primaries in all political parties he has participated in.. Gave me serious thought about how he managed to pass through primary school.. Oh I forgot then it was elementary school or was it been measured in standard that's by the way..

My major concern is his recent achievement on the global scene at least that is what it seems to his people.. I mean which serving state governor has shook hands with a leader as powerful as Obama, by the look of things he needn't do much again in the state at least they have plenty of round abouts to go round for everyone..

Incase you don't understand what I'm trying to say just take a trip to Owerri the Imo state capital and see how many billboards have been mounted by eye service loyalists or is it even the governor that asked for it to be displayed.. Well that is not my business

I heard even as a returning governor he met an empty treasury too from a government he just finished ruling.. Well all that don't even matter anymore what's more important now is that golden handshake he got from Obama I'm sure even Oshomole and Amaechi will be envious... Something is telling he hasn't washed that hand since then...

Me I'm sure I will do the same so let me just shut up and focus on my job as he is on his handshake
#SatiricalSaturday #iWriteFluently

Divorced agian

Just wife and I, no baby carriage
From the start, this was the sweetest marriage
But mama needed to change diapers
The baby cot needed an occupant
That breast milk needs a sucking mouth
And my mum thinks I'm married to a man, this I couldn't doubt

My impatience grew like I'm feeding it protein
Every night I'll beat her up, like she was a bag meant for punching
Her eyes got blacker than a freshly dyed chalkboard
Too much crying gave her eyes baggage like someone traveling abroad
She couldn't take it anymore
Staying up every night, blaming her god

We gradually grew apart like the strangers we were
Before this thing called marriage made us a pair
Hoping to have children like a nursery
But I got disappointed after five years, I gave up trying
Already have a mistress who is pregnant I told to hang on
Cause just too soon I'll join the divorce wagon

#GEJwhileyouwereaway

Went on social media and found a rather disturbing topic trending on twitter this morning #GEJwhileyouwereaway... I couldn't tell if its ignorance or sheer stupidity that would make anyone raise such a topic like GEJ was the messiah who went on break..

Maybe a lot of Nigerians have not realized that GEJ is no longer and can never be Nigeria's president ever again, cause if they do they will pray for the New Government led by President Mohammadu Buhari to do better instead of castigating a government who is yet to settle its feet on the ground..

I'm not a Pro Buhari supporter neither do I hate GEJ as much as the rest of Nigerians do but if I may ask GEJ has been both at the corridors and sitting room of power for 16 years of his adult life and yet he was called "clueless, snail paced, and a lot of horrible names not deemed fit for anyone...

Meanwhile, while GEJ was in POWER, the country incurred more debts, was labeled a terrorist state, more corrupt officers paraded freely, nobody was held responsible for any money that couldn't be accounted for and this your so called messiah did nothing to augment these situations and if he did put the country in a better situation why would he after leaving office retire to his house in LONDON, ENGLAND instead of his home town OTUEKE in BAYELSA state...

Please GEJ come back to your people don't be away in London, I know you have houses in Port Harcourt, Abuja and Bayelsa at least these I'm sure of and #GEJwhileyouwereaway I think the power sector which you lied about to Christina Amanpour is gradually improving and surprisingly EFCC is back after four years...

And please PMB we are still waiting for your ministerial list or should we suggest Ministers of the gospel to help ease the process?

A MOTHER'S CRY

Today i saw what it entails to be a mother
the cries and heart felt pains that comes under
she came out of the yard crying and pacing
asking if anyone has seen her baby
in a panic we all went searching
with rhetorical questions we keep asking
"where could he be"
"who carry am commot"
but those questions were flying without answers
and her patience was running faster
her hopes went low
as she keeps asking everyone, hoping somebody knows
but we were all as ignorant as we could be at the moment
only hoping he appears from somewhere
then somebody shouted "call pastor, maybe e carry am commot
so we did but he went out and with him the child was not
her panic grew, her eyes got redder
tears stay pouring like stormy weather
and suddenly we heard a cry coming from a neighbor's room
that is her baby just waking up too soon
and like magic, her teary eyes beams with smile
knowing her baby is still alive
but she has to wait for her neighbor to be back
before she would hold him in her loving arms
and give him the beating of his life
for giving her the mini heart attack she just survived

birthday eve

Its my birthday eve
And I could feel little me still wrapped up like a fetus in my mother's womb
Waiting for the eleventh hour when I'll break through
Not knowing what the world holds in for me
Not knowing this world would later corrupt innocent me
My mother still heavy with tiny me as a pregnancy
With her bags and all checking into a maternity
It was June the 23rd 1989
A friday it was and it almost rained that night
But no I wasn't ready yet
That womb was still comfortable for my tiny head
I'm not even aware I'm not the first of my clan
I couldn't tell if my parents for me had made any plans
But in there I know by the morning I'll be ready
To launch into a world and it will be early

JUju, A piece of Art

He held the mask up and smiled
Turning to me "this will fetch me a good price"
He said as I watched in awe
While onye-ocha played with our masquerade
Calling our arusi a fine piece of art
And how he will sell it in the museum and the money he will give me part
I don't want to be part of this deal
Knowing how many people this arusi has killed
It was the gods of our fore-fathers
And it was believed to have protected our land beyond borders
I've watched the eze-muo pour for it libations
And before it he has made incantations
Yet onye-ocha just holds it like a piece of firewood
And this dreaded arusi has not struck him dead like I thought he would
Then I reasoned at heart
That the juju is just a piece of art

Politics and Lies, gej's version

I have a serious problem with GEJ I won't lie about it like he is doing to the world... He keeps saying he didn't wish to continue as a president... He has no interest in politics yet he went round the federation campaigning for votes and so much money was spent just to make him win the Election...

Now I'm asking if he had won the election would he had stepped down and said he wasn't interested in ruling?... Good thing he conceded defeat for the Peace of the Nation and he deserves a medal for that but saying he wasn't interested in ruling after he lost the election well that is one lie I can't tolerate...

What's my own by the way sef.. Whether he was interested or not he now lives in Otuoke and this has not changed the light situation either...

And before I forget the Judiciary is back in Rivers State just as the NEW Governor promised so if we don't get anything from him for the rest of the four years we shouldn't complain he has fulfilled his promise.. I think I should stop here before my ink runs dry

Thank You For Breaking My Heart

I'll write you a letter to thank you for breaking my heart
I'll write it in details how you tore it apart
Reminding you of how our love was sweet till you took a bow
And how we promised to exchange marriage vows
I will write you a letter to thank you for breaking my heart
Hoping to get a reply that says "to hell with your heart"

Nigeria is truly broke

There is no fuel in Nigeria... There is no money in Nigeria... There is no light in Nigeria
So I'm just thinking when they will be doing the presidential hand over how will the president drive round to greet Nigerians present at the ceremony.. Or will he just drive home straight?
As for watching it on TV We've given up on that except some kind of miracle happens..

And judging by the fact that Nigeria is broke I guess it will be just a small ceremony that will be held.. Maybe they'll just share cabin biscuits and groundnut with mineral probably two persons to one bottle...
I think Jonathan's administration still remains the best Nigeria has ever seen if you doubt me ask Rotimi Amaechi

funeral rite

From the cold room, to the box
Stay locked, with my eyes shut
I wonder if they'll sound the gong
To inform my kinsmen to shoot the gun

Seven cows to be slain
Just six feet I'll be laid
Melodious music to be played
The funeral will leave everybody gay

Are they happy that I'm dead?
Or is it my funeral rite in their head?
I see my wife has lost her hair
And my kinsmen their head

After all these my children will stop school
Cause their fees was used to pay for the cold room
And my wife will be locked in room
Scanty with just pot, mat and broom

Truly the dead can't tell tales
Especially of his funeral day
While his kinsmen goes about in sway
His wife and children languish in hunger and pain

owu miri (water spirit)

owu miri (water spirit)

It was a night he would never forget

The love he received from a woman he just met

Serving him a lumptous meal 

That helped in his hunger defeat

She was very beautiful and light skinned too

Her lips painted red and shone like an over ripe tomato 

Her sweet caress is making that night sweeter than potato

He could feel the bulge in his trousers 

Her touch have been able to arouse that

In his heart he has prayed to whoever made this night not to let it end

Cause he's sure there won't be a second night to make amends

This must be an Owummiri he thought

But what does he care, nobody has ever shown him this love

Not even his parents has ever cared

And here a beautiful woman stood playing with his hair

He has sworn in his heart, this is his wife

No other woman could be better in his life

He vowed to propose to her that night

So by morning it will be too late for him to change his mind

So he knelt down on one knee

Holding her two hands without a ring

But before he could any word speak 

Soft wind blew and he fell asleep

On waking up at dawn

He found that his mystery woman is gone

Leaving no trace behind 

'Cept for a lipstick stain at the corner of his eye

SOUR

I'm leaving you for good " she said

while she packs her bag

with our child strapped to her back

i stood and watched with a blank gaze

as a man i must not show remorse

i wont even be moved by the plea of my neighbors

"she is a stubborn woman" i thought

though i had returned home stuporsly drunk

reeking with the smell of tobacco and alcohol

she had no right to question where i was coming from

i had given her the beating of her life and maybe the next life to come

i blamed her for the reason i lost my job

and i think she is responsible for my bad lucks

i know i'll go begging her to come back as always

cause this has been my new routine these days

beating and begging like that's our marriage vow

                                   it use to be sweet till i lost my job that's when we went sour

The Buhari victory trek, who else is trekking

Funny how we Nigerians can turn every event and make out an activity off it...
It all started with the trekker from Lagos to Abuja, then another said trekker is on the move only God knows what's the real a gender for this trekking or is it just some northern stunt

I believe if the election has gone other ways we won't be hearing about some so called victory trek for the president elect. Well it has been said that the supposed victory trek is carried out by northerners for whatever reason they have...

Now I'm thinking if Jonathan had won would Orubebe be the first to trek from his house in abuja to aso rock to celebrate his victory? Just judging by his protest during the collation of the election results... Or some of this said southerners who claim their Ijaw brother was betrayed would they have trekked from bayelsa to abuja...

Well enough said of this trekking, I would've joined too but its not an Igbo president so there is no need trekking ... I'll just wait till 2019 for the next election and if an Igbo president emerges then I promise I'll trek from Eleme junction to Ana... That's safer at least

In the mean time let those who are trekking for bihari keep up the pace till 2019 we are coming

the L word

The L word
Abused, misused and it confuses me
Why the L word
To express our heart to the ones we really feel
That same L word
Has saved and also it has really killed
It was the L word
That he told her, even when he didn't mean
Now the L word
She fell for and truly believed
It was the L word
That got her pregnant for a baby she didn't need
Yes the L word
But now he said "it wasn't me"
Hmmm this L word
She asked "could it be real?"

wrong poem

i tried writing a poem for a 35 years old lady
with all the nice words that sounds lovely
telling her how sweet she looks
and tried sweeping her off her feet without the broom
but like a castle built with sand she kicked it off
not paying attention to my beautiful crafted words
at first i thought she was daft
but i realized these words only bring back the past

xenophobia and the boycott part2

Few days ago I got into a heated conversation on Facebook about internet protest and boycotting of South African firms (mostly about boycott)... 

Though all I was trying to do was make some people have a rational thought about what they are planning to get involved with, but I was clearly misunderstood and was accused of supporting the xenophobic attacks going on south africa and one person in particular said I don't support the unity in Nigeria... 

Well for a few who would have had a rational thought before doing anything would always tell you there are two sides to a story. Don't always be a bad athlete and always jump into conclusions.

Let's do some thinking together and you'll discover that the idea of boycotting South African firms that have offices in Nigeria is not a good idea.. 

These people came to a country where there were millions of jobless Nigerian youths and offered them jobs thereby curbing the problem of unemployment and because of some senseless killings in their country some Nigerians are planning a boycott that will cause them their businesses.. 

That means they will have to retrench some staffs and then another rain of massive unemployment hits the country again.. Lest we forget the whole trouble was started by some jobless South African youths who thought foreigners are the cause of their misfortunes.

We can do better than a boycott that will spark another cause for revolt... And then the so called unity we are claiming will be truly judged by our conducts... 

I think on this note I have said my piece... And I hope not to get misunderstood again.. Let's join South African Government to fight against these killings.. And get to educate these people that there is no need to be scared of foreigners or probably find a way to get them jobs.. I bet everyone will go home smiling 

#saynotoboycott #saynotoxenophobia 

Social media protest how effective 

This is like the case of the missing chibok girls.. We all did the #bringbackourgirls but nobody bothered going into the sambisa forest to look for these girls and now its over a year and the girls are still missing... Now its #saynotoXenophobia and the South Africans are still killing... Protest on social media especially here in Africa has never gained any ground.. The real culprits of these acts are not on social media and even if they are they don't frequent social media like we do some of them can't even tell what a password is and yet we are here protesting against them.. These people are busy killing people not minding if ever there is facebook or twitter or some people busy protesting against their actions... It would be better if we could all go face them and stand our grounds instead of claiming activists on social media against some bunch of people who probably have no time for the internet.. I'm sure if the Aparthy war was fought on social media there probably won't be a Nelson Mandela to be celebrated today.. If the fight against Racism was fought on social media then a Martin Luther King Jr. Won't be celebrated today.. Let's all take a rational thinking.. We can all stop this but I don't think we will win this war on social media ....

#SocialMediaProtesthoweffectiveisit

xenophobia, Nigerians and the Boycott

The said xenophobic attack in South Africa is the new issue on the media both foreign and local (depends on where you are reading from) and every other country who have been affected by this barbaric action especially Nigeria is planning a boycott of South African firms in the country at least no plans of killing South Africans yet just a boycott on some major firms that decides the lives of most Nigerians most especially Telecomms Giant Multilinks owners of MTN and Multi Choice owners of DSTV and GoTV.

Its not much of a good idea considering the fact that MTN no matter how much we've complained about their service is almost everyone's 1st choice network... Think of it, you get a new phone and you buy an MTN sim and you start distributing your number to everyone that comes your way like relations, business associates, friends both close and distant, then all of a sudden you are going to get a new sim card probably Globacom because you just realized its time to be proudly Nigerian.. Then you have to start all over again distributing your new contact number to people and start calling everyone to tell them about the new development (that is if they haven't done what you did too)... Well the choice is yours and almost all the best entertainment and news channel is on DSTV... How can most women cope without African Magic and Telemundo even our own very NTA no matter how boring it is, is also on DSTV..

I know it is hurtful and we all condemn the act but we should also understand that two Animals can never make a man.. Boycotting these firms can not stop the killings but may fuel more hate and death.. There is always a way out.. We need them as much as they need us or we should develop us better a good media and then we can really talk about boycotting but for now I have to post this with my MTN data subscription still on and some people just paid for their DSTV and GoTV subscription with the latest NGN 300 added on top of it.. Please after we are sure our money has been fully used then we all can boycott and make use of our own.. 

A Mother's Cry

Today I saw what it entails to be a mother

The cries and heart felt pains that comes under

She came out of the yard crying and pacing

Asking if anyone has seen her baby

In a panic we all went searching 

With rhetorical questions we keep asking

"Where could he be?"

"Who carry am commot?" 

But those questions were flying without answers 

And her patience was running out faster

Her hopes went low 

As she keeps asking everyone hoping somebody knows

But we were all as ignorant as she could be at the moment

Only hoping he appears from somewhere

Then somebody shouted "call pastor, maybe e carry am commot"

So we did but he went out and with him the child was not

Her panic grew, her eyes got redder

Tears stay pouring, like a stormy weather 

And suddenly we heard a cry coming from a neighbors room

That is her baby, just waking up too soon

 And like magic her teary eyes beams with smile 

Knowing her baby is still alive

Only she has to wait for her neighbor to be back 

Before she would hold him in her loving arms

And give him the beating of his life 

For giving her the mini heart attack she just survived 

xenophobia it is real or just an excuse

A lot of complaints about the South African killings recently... With a nice painted word Xenophobia and we seem to overlook the real motives of the killing.. It is really cowardice to kill someone just thinking he came to possess something you think is rightly yours.. Heard they are killing these other african foreigners because they are taking their jobs, the real question is how on earth where you not qualified for the job in the first place that they have to give it to an outsider who came to reside in your country or haven't they heard of the word expatriate?... If they feel these other africans are taking over their jobs and are afraid of it what then will they do to the Brits who have occupied and exploited the land for only God knows when.. This killings are senseless and unjustifiable I don't even think there is Xenophobic trait attached to it... These guys are inhumane and are just out to curse more trouble to the rest of South Africans in diaspora ... The Government should speak up and condemn the act and make sure these are guys are properly taken care of by the law... Else this will brew enemity between RSA and other African bodies... I think on this note I lay me pen and take a nap while I'm still trying to process my papers to RSA cause I think there is a job laying in wait for me out there  

my Defection

Heard on the news today the guber candidate of KOWA congratulating the PDP candidate on his victory over the gubernatorial election held on saturday the 11th of april whilst his other contemporaries APC and APGA are still insisting on a redress of the election with claims that it wasn't free and fair and their was massive rigging... Meanwhile I have been supporting KOWA since the Presidential election and they can't stand their ground like other political parties and fight for their rights even if they won't win.. How can they just accept defeat... On this note I wish to defect to a better party with high morals and are willing to stand for something.. So from this day I here by defect to the Hope Democratic Party... I hope that is a better option #iwritefluently #riverselection #hashtag

Goat

It sounds really offensive when you call people goat. Some may even slap you if they don't have a come back word for you, but let's take a quick look at things before we really get furious about it.

I know a lot of parents who have called their children kids in front of other people and reply they are fine when been asked about their kids. I know we did a thing in english were we matched adult animals with their young ones e.g Man-Child, Cow-calf, Dog-puppy, Goat-Kid and I also hear people say their NANNY is looking after their kids, have you ever asked what a female Goat is called?

Men who also nick name themselves BILLY should note that He-goat is not a name for the male Goat in a way we've all been called Goats without it being offensive or wrong to us

Male- Billy Female- Nanny Young one- Kid

So if your name is Billy and your Kid is with the Nanny... I'm not calling you a GOAT but think about it 

HOPE

"Life no easy" he said

Smiling as he puts on his shade

His sandals truly worn out from long trekking

And his arm pit stinks from heavy sweating

He had no transport to cover his distance

He would have begged but he is already perceived a nuisance

The little boy stares at him waiting for his ten naira for the pure water

He dips his hand in his shirt pocket and hands him twenty naira

The smell of roasted plantain and smoked fish hits him as he gets up to continue his journey 

He ignored it and walked faster before it would be needed by his tummy 

He has set out that morning like every man to look for daily bread

But no bakery has considered him a worthy head

Now hopeless, cause his rent is long due

And to avoid being harassed by his landlord, he avoids the morning toilet queue

Passing by a church building

He wonders if there ever was a God living

Its already evening 

And he is yet to have his meal for the morning

His trousers' all dusty

And a big patch of sweat rested on his shirt from his armpit

He walks slowly to his sleeping place

This has been his new routine everyday

But he is hopeful of his bread someday 

Cause for every pain there is a gain