Usman Dan Fodio And The Staff of Office

2020 seems like an interesting year already, I mean we have not even gone half of the new month and we have so much drama to contain us for the better part of the year. 

First off I’d like to commend the Rivers State governor and his new found comical expression, giving us fresh memes to keep the January fun and going. 

While addressing the council of traditional rulers, well, I could say he resurrected Uthman Dan Fodio or was it Usman Dan Fodio as he called it, that should be when he was admonishing them on the use of their staff of office which he claims that is their symbol of authority and should rather go with them to every function instead of their mere canes (walking stick) until a certain traditional ruler was nodding to affirmation (probably he doesn’t like people shaking heads while he talks) and he went all out on him making snide comments about him and what’s not. Well, to many they felt he went too far with it or rather was just uncalled for but then if you see an Usman Dan Fodio won’t you give him the recognition he deserves. 

My opinion though which may not count actually, is that he would have save the tongue lashing for an off camera moment of rather the press their would have switched off knowing it’s not part of the official speech but then who doesn’t like a good publicity, I think if the governor continues in this light he may become an Instagram influencer with these videos popping up at every time he is set to make a speech. Remember he is not scared of anything and well, ntor to his haters. 

And for the records this is not a hate speech. 

Free and Fare Election

It is the election year in Nigeria and so far this has been the most dramatic and most exciting election thus far, with over 70 political parties whose acronyms went from A to Z (ok maybe Y) but then there were too many of them that you could bet in the near future there would be a Z and Q and an X party (not X-rated, just X) and different candidates indicating interests to become the number one citizen of the most populous black nation (at least that is the one thing we are leading and we aren't ashamed of it). One would think the election will be free and fare, a situation where you have to negotiate your vote with the highest bidder before selling it off.

After reading that last paragraph I'm sure you aren't happy with the idea of people selling their votes to a political party and not actually voting their conscience or as we may put it their preferred candidates, well, truth be told the election will be rigged anyway, so why not make a profit out of it and may the best rigger win ( I meant to say best man), so you see that way everyone goes home smiling, except for the parties that will loose, they don't go home, they go straight to court to challenge the results, but then that is none of your business, you have collected your own dividends of democracy, it is your legal right as a Nigerian (well, I don't know that for real), they should go and fight for their own rights and if the court cancels the election and fix it for a better date, well it's more money for you.

I don't know about you but I support the idea of a free and fare election. An election where you get paid to vote, I think that is what PDP meant when they say 'power to the people'. You will have to negotiate with the political parties with your will power and see who appeals to your conscience financially. After the elections it will take another four years before they come back to you again to give more unfulfilled campaign promises. Make sure you add VAT to the money so you don't get charged for not paying your tax.

Laziness Births Inventions

Since the inception of life and man being lazy has been seen as bad as we have been encouraged to work hard if we wish to amount to anything good in life and gain a successful status but at the same time as life progresses we have been encouraged overtime to become lazy as well, sounds crazy right?

Every invention in life that has been geared towards the progress of man kind has been borne out of laziness. This may sound awkward but it's a sincere truth. As we grow we have encountered inventions that has made life easier and simpler for millennials or the world at large.
I remember at a very tender age we owned a black and white TV (not the colors of the TV though but that's how the images appear on the screen), and to switch channels we have to turn a knob which helps us tune the channels we want, then my father came home with a colored TV and it came with a remote control, meaning from the comfort of where we are sitting facing the TV we don't need to walk up to it to tune the channel we wanted we could do that pressing the remote. Now who ever created the remote control thought of how stressful it could be to get up and change the channel and sometimes that knob could be a bit difficult to turn requiring extra extra strength which sometimes after searching for your required channel you might feel drained. So it was out of laziness that the remote control was born.

I could go on to site a lot of examples but then you can take a look at your immediate environment and count how many things you could do without lifting much of a finger. Like fastfoods, Uber services, your kitchen blender, gas cooker etc. All these things were as a result of giving us a stress free life, and these days doing the dishes after eating is not so important if you use disposable plates and plastic spoons.
I'm not writing this article to encourage laziness but think of it, the more we progress the lazier we become. You can as well do a personal research and check all the muscle pulling jobs around you and see how many machines or inventions have not made easy for you.
In conclusion I can say laziness is the bane of inventions that foster human progress.
(C) Nwachi Emmanuel

Comedy Geek, my journey and lessons

I've learnt so much about being a comedian, that being funny is not enough, you need to know the right things to say, the jokes for the right audience, have a definitive style that people can use to differentiate you from other comics and knowing how to land your punchline in a way it will produce humour.

Before I became a comedian I thought comedy was a fools business, it was all about foolery and dressing funny and making an ass of yourself until I studied the art of being funny and it became clear to me that you needed more wits than foolishness to actually erupt laughter as a stand-up comedian. My true motivation to do stand-up came after watching Daniel d' humorous perform on stage for the first time and i thought if it was this cheesy then I can actually try this out, but as I grow in the art I began to understand that every joke has its approach and comic has his/her style and I began to develop mine. It took me well over five years to definitively find my own voice as a comic and on that journey I wrote a couple of jokes which some I couldn't imagine myself doing them again and the ones I find my comfortable I held on to.

In my years of practicing as a stand up comedian I have been able to do four specials and one repeat special, and all through these shows I've been able to grow a personal fan base who understands my class of jokes. It takes me a year to prepare a one hour set and most of the jokes are either topical or observational, which means if I'm not picking a topic from current affairs or news stories I am talking mostly about my observations which most of the time I have to add a little twist to the story to get out the humour. In writing jokes I learnt to get at the punchlines first before developing a story to it and I like taking your mind through a journey of thought allowing you to wonder where I want to arrive at when I'm done with the story, this I learnt from basketmouth, but as I grow I found Trevor Noah more thrilling as he picks on topics and make light out of them.

The truth is anyone can be a comedian, but not everyone can do stand-up comedy except you have an exceptional gift in telling funny stories and picking at random topics. Before I gave myself the moniker 'Comedy Geek' I've always wanted people to see me as a smart person one who is not doing comedy because I was bored of life but one who finds fun expressing himself in an amusing way and sharing thought provoking jokes. So I became intentional, read more about comedians and comedy in general studied those whose part I wished to thread and i worked more on my presentation.
The likes of Chris Rock, Ali Baba, Dan' D humorous, basketmouth and bovi were my influences, I know you were expecting Trevor Noah but I am still studying him though, I watched these men and understood from everyone one of them I could pick style, delivery, content creation and fashion out how to write materials.

It actually takes hard work and dedication to do a comedy special, I have tried to encourage most of my friends and colleagues but then, you have to be determined from the inside, write jokes that could last you an hour set on stage and rehearse vehemently, in the cases where we don't have teleprompter you need to memorize your routine, so you can know how to move with the jokes so it doesn't look like you were just picking random subjects to share... the jokes have to co-relate with each other and if the next set won't relate with the last joke you have to prepare the minds of your audience so they won't look lost as to where you are heading to. N/B a comedy special doesn't have to be an hour but at least you need to have good materials that could keep you going and keep the audience engaged for as long as you are willing to stay.

Doing stand-up is more tasking than being a virtual comedian, in stand up you have to be sure the joke is funny before you tell it or you might end up bombing the set but being a virtual comedian it doesn't work that way, you can just share your video and wait for feedback or forget about it till someone comes along to comment whether it's funny or not.
I'll advise you read books and watch a lot of television, from news to everything exciting and even boring as well, pick on things that seems ridiculous to you note them down, open your mind to new ideas, keep an open heart during discussions, observe your environment and stick around people who makes you laugh more, these are the ways you could get your materials and when they come tailor them to suit your audience and always rehearse your routine.

Google search and Nigerian priorities

On Google search and Nigerians, we are wondering how we end up looking up such frivolous topics like 'how to prepare banga soup' 'who is the richest musician in Nigerian' 'how to dance shaku shaku' and many more insensible topics.

The truth is we are not wired for inventions, we would rather seek personal happiness than try to change the world, if you look closely at the topics most searched you find out that these things tend to create personal happiness to the search party than give them a sense of responsibility.

We live in a country where the order of the day is get rich by any means possible and how else do we get rich when the government is not providing an enabling working condition if not sticking to advance fee fraud or becoming a politician where your will to loot is greater than your will to serve.
So learning how to prepare banga soup will bring a momentary happiness that will last the pot of soup and we can continue the struggle to become great once again. If we can't become yahoo boys or politicians where we can make easy money then we should focus our energy on dancing shaku' shaku, trust me that dance moves is quite difficult, and now that the world cup is over I'm sure the premiership fixtures will take its place since football has been the only thing truly uniting us as a country.

I may not be making any sense from this but trust me if the search results get to reveal more you will find more things that will annoy your rich intellect than the ones put on display. Well if there is a better thing to search on you should see the trending topics on Nigerian twitter then you will know why we are the giants of africa.

STOP THE SOOT, JUST ANOTHER SOCIAL MEDIA CAMPAIGN?

Before the advent of social media, the only way the masses could get the government to hear them out besides getting the representatives at the house of assembly speak for them is through protests, either peaceful or violent, but I think the peaceful ones are the best call though. That way you have to match up to the office in charge or ministry or even to the government house just to get their attention and trust me this method was kinda effective, maybe not a hundred percent but at least the authorities involved get to respond to these protest which helps solve half of the problem then.
Then came social media where you can be anywhere and talk to the president which looked like an effective and stress free approach but then we all have to be sincere with ourselves how much of this have been very effective as it claims to be. Remember when we had the #BBOG (bring back our girls campaign) it looked effective, we even had the international community weighing in on it, people from all works of life and even top politicians who has no social media savvy even joined and played the card, I think that was one of the biggest hash tag trend out of Nigeria besides the big brother frabchise, but then it was just a social media drama that had Nigerians up and doing for some months and it died down immediately like one of those moments where the Viagra wears out (well if you know, you know).
Now don't get me all wrong I'm a big fan of hash tags and social media campaigns but this new one on the Soot in portharcourt I think we should go beyond just social media campaigns and trending hash tags but do a peaceful match to the government house or ministry of environment and get them to understand what it really is that is going on, I think hearing from the governor that this issue will be tackled adequately and maybe a round table meeting will be held with the perpetrators of this heinous act and see a way to curb the flames and darj smokes causing this, maybe a lecture on how to control these should be held too.
Trust me we can be more effective if we let go off social media for this and really come all out and make the move to end the soot, maybe this one can be more successful than #EndSARS which by the way did not even shake the table at all, except the people who still go about as SARS officials are really not that.

WHY CORPORATE BRANDS WON'T SPONSOR YOUR EVENTS

The challenge biggest most entertainers suffer from this part of the world is lack of sponsorship for either their career or event, and I don't mean dash money sponsorship I'm talking about corporate brands buying into their brands.

As someone who has been in the business and have helped organize

a few show I'll tell you the truth most of us have nothing to really offer. Often times when we approach these people and we tell them this is what we want to do and they in turn ask for a proposal we just go copy some other person's failed junk and send to the company. And what do we put as partnership benefits "I'll fly your company logo on all our publicity materials, and blah blah blah".

They probably are tired of hearing these stuff we should all actually come up with something better than that. Trust me you need to be a bigger brand to be able to promise another big brand visibility, you may call it publicity but it's more or less making them visible to a new audience. Let's take an AY live as an instance here, he is flying one of the biggest comedy brand in Africa and trust me any body will be willing to cash in on him, because they believe he already has an audience they can reach out to. You on the other hand besides your social media friends and the few people within your locality how many people can you really reach out to.

We really don't have the capacity to ask for sponsorship, because we can't really sell the brands we are approaching for these. Nobody wants to put his money in an investment that won't yield, so before you approach someone for sponsorship or partnership you should be sure you really have a good way to sell their products to your audience or you already have an audience they can't ignore. Write a good business proposal, state what you want from them and offer them what they will gain in return, trust me if we can focus on building a reliable brand than chasing money bags we will conquer the corporate market and they will come to us for advert placement.

It's not called show business for nothing, you show the people the business benefits of sponsorship and they will show you their money.

ROCHAS OKOROCHA AND HIS MONUMENTAL DISGRACE (CRAZE WORLD)

And just when we think we've seen every shade of madness the governor of Imo State just upped the ante.
You recall one time he claimed to have been slapped by a spirit? I guess it is high time that spirit returns and beat him to pulp.

The question is why is Jacob Zuma a South African president having a giant statue if himself and his name given to a street in Imo state, I guess you must be wondering like I am right now too.
How do one get a giant statue and a road named after him, you must have contributed immensely to that society or organisation, but then besides the fact that we have a lot of our Igbo brothers hustling on the streets of south Africa there is no other attribution we could point from south Africa to imo state, with all that been said Rochas Okorocha stands to be the most foolish governor ever.

I don't know what must have transpired between Rochas and Zuma (and I don't mean the mobile game) but I think whatever must have prompted him to erect such a giant statue, must be coming from a very foolish angle.
There are salaries unpaid and here he is erecting statues for someone who has not played any vital role in the welfare of the people he governs.
Maybe he is only trying to cement his love for JayZee (like Trevor noah will call him), I mean the same way South Africans hated Zuma that is the same way the people of Imo state hated Owelle (so you see now there is a link).

To be honest I'm not so surprised to be hearing this after seeing the Obama handshake billboard, I was sure something bigger is coming, but the most painful part are all those people who stood by him and cheer to his stupidity, at least they would have talked some senses into him, except he is like the proverbial stubborn he-goat.
Tax payers money has just entered what we call bear-bear investment and I'm sure this is just the beginning of all that is to be done. Good thing he is yet to become the president that he so dreamt of, maybe by now we would have been sold to China and have their prime minister's statue erected too.

Craze World part 4

$26 billion fraud? the kind of money that gets missing or stolen in this country Nigeria is enough to drive one crazy.

Welcome back from a very long break of writing, I wish I could explain where I went to but just be assured that I didn't go for any medical vacation neither did I leave New York to London.

The minister of state for petroleum has joined the list of ranters, I mean those who write reports to the president, only this time it was a very long letter like the one written by Mariama Bâ (you should know about so long a letter). Well in his letter he detailed a lot about Dr. Baru who happens to be the GMD of NNPC. In his famed letter his major concern was insubordination which he claims the GMD doesn't respect him and obey his orders.
The long and short of the letter is that the president should talk to the GMD to attend meetings regularly and not disregard him.
Now you remember those days in primary school when the class prefect reports the class to the teacher for disrespecting him? That's exactly what the Kachikwu's famous letter read out. For one I think he would have done better than self praise, well we all hope the president acts accordingly and see that Dr. Baru is severely flogged for not obeying the class prefect.

Now away from Ibe Kachikwu's list of noise makers to our most famous first lady the madam of Aso villa dame Patience Jonathan aka mama peace who is crying for her life to be spared, not that anyone is trying to kill her though but the fact that the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission has been on her case ever since she vacated her office as the first lady.
In her words she said Obama's wife is not going through any scrutiny from Trump as she is having now from Buhari, for one Michelle Obama was never at the affairs of anything and the trump administration did not find any traceable reason to investigate the money Michelle made as the FLOTUS, where as madam and Deiziani became richer while holding public offices, you see the difference now?
In as much as it will be good for the EFCC to unbiasly (I know that is not a correct word) do their jobs and make themselves richer I plead that madam be set free and see it as a way she was paid in active service entertaining the nation and putting laughter in all our hearts.

Now to some more important security issues as it concerns the citizens to watch their steps wherever they see the special anti robbery squad popular known as SARS who in a bid to protect had turned terror to the people of Rivers State.
Just some days back a taxi driver was shot and there was claims he is a member of a defaced street cult group "dey bam". Well for one thing I respect the police for is telling a very good lie, if not any other thing they are very good at it and telling us you killed the man during a gun battle and no gun was recovered from him and no other wounded victim or was he the only surviving member of the defaced cult group?
All I can say here is you guys are beginning to loose your juice, common what went wrong. We do hope the family of this man gets the justice they deserve and the SARS group be called to order by the authorities involved.

Yeah now to some abroad news and to something more heart renting, the shooting in Vegas has further proved that this world na really craze world, a man with no criminal record of any kind, shooting at innocent people in a concert that's not crazy it's insane and trust me he succeeded in shifting the world's attention from Puerto Rico to Vegas and who wouldn't be happier than the POTUS who is not really pleased with what is happening in Vegas sorry Puerto Rico which he said hurricane Maria was not as deadly as hurricane katrina that happened in 2005, in other words the people of Puerto Rico should take a chill pill and wait for another hurricane like that of katrina and remember what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (just saying nobody should get that crazy down here to shoot at us).

Well on this note I wrap up my thoughts and sincerely look for one corner to join the rest of Ghanians in their new found craze.
IG/twitter @nwachilive

Craze World part3

To think that we are all sane in a crazy world, further defines our craziness.
Well to begin with a sound mind you first need to be educated and thanks to the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) everyone stands the chance to getting a university education. Well they could have done worse but they choose to do better by lowering their standards, instead of the average of 170 or 180 as the case may be the dropped it down low to 120 meaning every dick, tom and Harry stands a good chance of a university education.
While a couple of Nigerians are not pleased with this new development, a couple few who knew their best shot could not exceed 150 marks are already feeling like students who would merit the admission.
Now for one like the JAMB twitter handle may put it "it does not automatic admission" which means schools and colleges still have the deciding factor to your destiny.
Now the big question is why reduce the cut off mark when it won't play any role in the admission process. Now I see what they are trying to do. Be the good guys and make the universities and colleges the bad guys, that was well played JAMB.

Moving on to something uneducated but sincerely needs our prayers and donations as well. Flood victims in Benue state Nigeria, well I could say while there is Hurricane Harvey in Houston, it is no different for the people of Benue state who are experiencing same situation just that the people of Houston are receiving relief aid from top celebrities and people outside Houston meanwhile here in Nigeria... well, it is well.
A certain facebook user has claims that she wanted to send some relief material to the people in Benue state and after calling the said person in charge, she was told he can't take official calls while on holidays, meaning whatever she wants to send over should take a chill pill until he is done eating his sallah ram and whatever keeps him going for the holiday. Now you see how important it is to have uninterrupted holiday with office work.
Well since we can't get the name of the said NEMA official we could let this slide too and let the people in Benue state wait till the holiday is over, assuming we decided to further the holiday then it is sure no one gets any relief support until it is not necessary anymore.

Now to presidential issues and this time it has nothing to do with rats trust me.
The minister for women affairs and social development Aisha Alhassan aka Mama Taraba has declared her love for former vice president Atiku abubakar whilst serving president Buhari, Ok she didn't declare her love but she has chosen to support Atiku come 2019 should Buhari choose to be re-elected in office, now that's a woman speaking against injustice and equality and fairness, or was she speaking for her godfather?
According to claims it was said her choice of Abubakar was predicated on the fact that the former Vice President is her “godfather.” well that's one strong activist.
Now you wonder why this is crazy, well Buhari is a member of All Progressive Congress (I'm sure he doesn't know that's what APC means) whilst Atiku is a member of the newly formed coalition party APDP (hope I'm right about that). So you see? It's like playing for Arsenal and supporting Leicester City (well with the way arsenal is playing now, this might be possible).
Now people are going against her for speaking up for the women, who are being relegated to the back by Buhari bid for a 2nd tenure.

Over to some entertainment at least we could use this to ease off the tensions of presidential tussle.
D'banj or skillbanj or capella or whatever he has added to his moniker now, in a recent interview made claims to have signed Davido in 2014 with a rolex watch and letting him go on claims his parents wanted him to be through with school first.
Well even if Davido has come out to say there was no signing but he was gifted a rolex watch by the big fish (eja nla). Now everyone who must have been gifted by the king 'don come should know you are an unofficial member of DB records.
Just wondering if Davido was signed with a piece of watch what would k-switch be signed with, a plate of food?
Now before I rest my pen, I encountered the most outrageous souvenir to be given in an event, you might say I'm crazy but whoever gives out condoms in a funeral must be......
Well it's a craze world and we definitely fit perfectly into our wards.
IG/twitter @nwachilive
Facebook.com/nwachilive

Lazy Comedians

In a world were creatives are suppose to be kings, the lazy one are the ones eating fat...
That is a case of the comedy industry in Nigeria, where the up and coming believe so much in mediocres than the real people. Comedy as easy as it is the most tasking job anyone can venture into it in entertainment and if you are not as creative as being funny then you are just tagging on with the rest of the mediocres parading as kings.

The first step to becoming a comedian is to be funny but then it's not a business of foolery, so you have to come up with your own intellectual materials to be able to stay afloat in the business, but then there are a couple few who believed nobody owns the joke so they can just pick a joke from anyone and you at will.
The truth is most comics are mediocres besides being lazy and it just happened that some of them are smart thieves and have good access to use of the media, so it's easy for them to have wide spread of the stolen materials than the original owners themselves.
It is beyond stand-up who could take from a smaller comic and perform it in front of a large audience with a wider coverage thus making it look like he owns it, which they even go as far as sharing on YouTube and to their followers on IG. Now they have started making short funny videos as well known as skits which dey would pick any joke from a comedian and use it for the skit which sometimes travel more than the standup performance.
One shocking one was a joke I heard in a show and the next week I watched it as a skit from a different comedian.

The solution here is simple, you can employ people who would help you generate content as well as write jokes for you.
Soon jokes will be copyrighted and people will not be lenient with these anymore.
If you can't create jokes quit the business or get someone to do that for you.
Twitter/IG: @nwachilive

Craze World -Episode One

Craze world (a piece of my mind)
This is just a snippet of the first episode...

It's really a craze world and indeed Nigeria is the capital

Craze World episode 2

How can we describe the craziness of this world without using Nigeria as a case study.

Well the good news is our president is back after a 100 days medical vacation, I think he deserves a resounding welcome ceremony or hold on the governor of Kogi state already gave him one, I mean having a public holiday declared to celebrate the return of the "Lion King" is worth it.
Now the only problem is the "Lion" has been chased out of his office by mere rodents that would have served as his appetiser or desert (depending on how he feeds though).
Well his spokesperson told us he has to work from home now which means no FEC meeting or if any would be held it has to be like a house fellowship service (hopefully they'll serve cabin biscuit and groundnuts when they finish). Now I can only wonder how they would resolve the ongoing annual ASUU strike (students you can only pray fir a new president).
My thoughts though how come nobody cared to check on his office while he was away, you see, it's because of eye service.

On to other weightier issues, a said student of uniport who killed and mutilated an eight year old girl and was arrested by some vigilante group which he was later handed to the police, news came in that he has escaped from the police state CID office. Well, how ever he did that is what is leaving everyone in awe.
If it had been from one of the local police stations with less security it would have been a case do different but this is the most secured police station and yet an unarmed man vanished into thin air (maybe what of jazz he was planning to do has started working for him, well who can tell?)
It is still a shocking tale because even the police men there couldn't tell how it happened.

On to something more serious than vanishing people, somehow I ran into a flyer design where the government or whoever is in charge of transport empowerment in Bayelsa state is training 100 persons for driving lessons.
Well what can we say at least the government is working, remember they had an assembly member donate floating toilets oh sorry she built them now they are training drivers, I'm sure the young people there can't afford to pay for driving schools or it is much burdened to them to have them learn to drive so the government is making sure that dream come through.
You may say I have a loud mouth but so does the people of Bayelsa do have a big heart for digital development.

Just to leave our ladies with something really important to ponder on.
The famed cross dresser Bobrisky aka oshey baddest has just bagged an endorsement from a hair company where as we have over a million slay queen that won't let go of their snap chat buttons, if you are thinking what I'm thinking then it's time we all start trying lipsticks and mascara who knows who might get lucky next.
And on this note i'll just leave you here in this craze world while I sneak back in to my ward before the cyber dictators come for me.

100 days in London (a President in Diaspora)

Just at a time when we think we deserve better, should I say we got the best of everything wrong?
Well I think Nigeria is a country on her feet, yeah like someone ready to run off at any giving minute, but the fun thing is we have nowhere to run to, maybe not our president who have been running since he was sworn into office.

Just like everyone who is elected into public office the first hundred days is a time to curate their remarkable achievements (if any) and applaud or condemn them where necessary, but for the case of our dear Mohammadu Buhari he has set a new record as the first president ever to have stayed a complete hundred days out of office, in other words we have a president in diaspora.
Since we really can't get his achievements down in office, let us flip the coin and tell him what we seem to have achieved in his absence.
I would like to start with the arrest of the famed kidnapper who has won a lawsuit against the police for unlawful detention and denial of bail, this only shows that we all need to be successful at whatever we do, how else will a notorious criminal who has confessed to his crime come out victorious, well his case is still a long one so i'll just move on.

Then the part where we have to prep our minister of information before he really says anything is also very important, I mean he is of the suggestion we stop our local artist from shooting videos abroad when our president is already abroad sending voice note in Hausa to Nigerians, you see why we should get him fired because it is contradicting the president's beliefs (even though I don't know what he believes in)

Uhm... should I tell you about charlie boy who took 2baba's place at the famed nationwide protest and is now planning to take the place of the director of IPOB by leading on nigerians until he was tear gassed, well he was willing to die Nigeria until he realised Nigeria is not worth dying for.

Ehen! The money that was discovered at the Ikoyi apartment that no one was holding claim to please when you return ask Magu and his boys who is holding that money and if they tell you the money was used to pay for your treatment just know that they are lying because with that sum of money you should have been back to the country very hale and hearty.

Ermm... Ehen! I almost forgot, your wife almost turned this country to animal Kingdom calling people hyenas and jackals, well we didn't take it serious until they started referring to you as Lion King, all I could think of was Lai Muhammed as Timon and Rochas Okorocha as Pumba. I'm not saying all of us are animals sha but Nnamdi Kanu and his boys were almost right.

You see a lot has happened in your absence so much that I can't really say all, let me just stop here for now because it seems we and America we are on the same level because their president seems to rule them from his twitter handle.

The Lion King himself we have missed you so dearly and we hope you come back soon with some London bread or chocolate
(c) Nwachi Emmanuel
Twitter & IG: @nwachilive

"Can comedy be taught in school?" this was a serious question I was asked over the weekend, and it got me thinking how noble does the society see stand up comedy. 

Over the years stand-up comedy has become one of the biggest force in entertainment especially here in Nigeria, well over the western world it has brought fame and fortune to a lot of people from different generations, but here in Nigeria do we see comedy as a noble profession?

Before Ali Baba who is the frontier of urban contemporary stand up comedy became rich and famous through cracking jokes, comedy was never seen as a job, I mean nobody could professionally say I am a comedian and there was no room created to fit in people with the talent of humour. Then Ali Baba rose to fame and prominence which also saw the likes of Julius Agwu and Uche Ogbuagwu who had comedy tapes respectively to sell their brands too and well... if not piracy, made a little fortune off it but yet it is unheard of to tell your parents that you want to become a stand-up comedian in the near future. 

The formative years followed with the arrival of stand-up comedy concerts which was organised by Opa Williams with the then biggest and only comedy brand known all over Nigeria "Night of a Thousand Laugh" that saw the emergence of Basket Mouth, I Go Dye, Maleke, I Go Save, MC Basket Mouth, Mike Ogbolosinga and host of many others. This was just a platform to stardom for some of these guys, though some fell off on the way and probably others just got tired of joking around and decided to do something "meaningful" with their lives. 

But a few of these names went on to establish themselves as superstars in the industry thus creating a brand name for themselves, like basket mouth who would later go on to create his own comedy concert "Lord of The Ribs" and "BasketMouth Uncensored". 

Then a new generation emerged that will see the likes of AY, Buchi, Bovi, Gordons, and a host of others who came at a time comedy could be seen as a business which could be tried if you can't succeed in the corporate world but then people are already making some small fortune off the humour business. Well at this stage your family could give you a little encouragement if they can spot some small potential in you but then you have to go to the university in case you won't succeed in making people laugh. 

But as time changes it seems the society begins to see comedy beyond jesting and clowning and now sees it as performing art where people could become professional and make good money out of it. 

Now comedy is the second biggest thing next to music in Nigeria and corporate bodies have gone as far as investing in it, thus creating a business environment where talent can be traded. 

But the question still remains "can comedy be taught in schools Just like music and painting? 

In my fair opinion I think to make it more organised and reduce the number of mediocrity in the business, stand-up comedy should be taught in school just as we go to learn theatre art. 

(c)Nwachi Emmanuel 

Craze World

This world is a crazy place and Nigeria is the capital, you may want to argue it but who cares if a mad man argues with himself.

You see a country where the president absconded for more than 90 days and it's still perfectly Ok, yeah we have an actor in president or is it acting president sef.
We could complain for all we care but it's a good record for us though the first country to celebrate its president's 100 days out of office isn't that crazy enough?
Abi is it the part where his doctor in London claims he doesn't know the cause of his ailment, me I just think that man is running from something.

A protest was held in Abuja seeking the health of the President and the protesters (I hope that is correct) was tear gassed and chased away, the same Abuja another group held a protest claiming the president is perfectly Ok and shouldn't be disturbed, or was it the part we were told we have no right to seek the nature of the health if the president who is a public servant because in their own word he is a private citizen. You see how we dey craze reach.

A best graduating student from medical department was awarded the sum of 10,000 naira and the amount was displayed on a banner big enough to be used as a mattress the same week an olosho was demanding 20,000 for a one night stand and you say we no dey craze, seriously how crazy can this world go again.

Seriously all of us dey craze it's just that our ward just looks sane.

RSTV, Ready for Cable?

I was happy to know our dear Rivers State Television has gone digital where as it's now a cable channel, only for me to tune in past midnight just to see a pale blue screen staring blank at me.

One thing is to put it up on cable TV another is to have people tune in and watch. My candid suggestion is to whoever was in a hurry to brag about RSTV being on GOtv should have first try to create contents that will attract viewers and also have it run as a 24hr television channel on terrestial base before putting it up on GOTV.
If you do ask me I think this is just another waste of government funds spent without due consultation. The people working at RSTV are civil servants who are not different from any other state workers and it will definitely breed same result.

Let's not be in a hurry to have our voice heard that we open our mouth without a prepared speech. I would rather we create content and have people hunger to have us on cable than paying all that money for cable TV only to close at night and resume in the money like we are still a terrestial TV

(c) ~Nwachi~

Clowns In Agbada

CLOWNS IN AGBADA

We've seen rogues in agbada, at least we understand they are there to clean out the treasury or take their own large chunk of the national cake with extra topping. But when we start having clowns in agbada then you know that the wahala is bigger than the head that carries it.

EFCC introduced the whistle blowing that has made us see money that can only be housed by the federal bank in one man's backyard Abi is it cupboard sef, then we saw one oga who doesn't think it's nice to identify with his boys in the same uniform after all how will people differentiate the oga from his boys.

You see the certificate wahala that happened to oga presido that time that they were bringing different certificate for him, well now it is the Dinosaur's turn, I mean Dino Melaye or is it Daniel Melaye? Me I don't know again. This our country is so funny ehn, everybody is a comedian Abi they are even clowns sef.

Just as the Johnson suleiman matter is slowly fading off Dino the Dinosaur and oga Magu own is rising up. Certificate and say oga Dino no graduate make am wear academic gown go sitting today (Abi that is how to prove you graduated ni) me I have learnt oh, next time someone tells me I did not go to school I wee just go and buy mathset and exercise book so they will just shut up.

Please why is Magu's confirmation not working, is it that the man no sabi e work too or some people don't just want him to spoil market for them because this national cake cannot just come and go like that na.

I think I have try for today lemme go and look for my own gown too, my oga needs to know I am a graduate so he doesn't talk to me anyhow... yeye dey smell.

Diary Of a Slay Queen pt.1

DIARY OF A SLAY QUEEN                         chapter1.                                        So far my life sucks , i literarily hate my life. My name is Denora Njoku.
My friends call me berrylicious.I'm 25 and from imo state.I have a  very big problem right now,I have no where to go and nothing to wear. i pick up my iPhone and check for messages, there were none......just then my doorbell rang.I ran out to answer immediately. I heard d shriek before I saw the girl, Soma waltzed into my apartment, and yes! She goes into everywere with a flourish .                         "Bitch,there is a party this evening,all the top politicians will be there to throw cash around" . she said in a singsong voice                      "haaaaaaa,good news finally"  .it really was good news.I had started thinking of how i will spend d whole day wondering  how boring and uneventful my social life is.I mean,I literally wear clothes n take pictures outside my door to post on Instagram so my so-called friends will think my life is interesting. I opened a bottle of champagne while Soma and I toasted to our good fortune. And so I was busy thinking of how good my new Michael kors boots will go with that good American jeans when I heard d familiar buzz of my phone. it was my mom "ebele" she shouted immediately I picked,I cringed.I hate it when she calls me that,   "mama,ogini" I answered impatiently                                 "are u okay,?I had a dream oh, where are you?", she always starts every sentence with I had a dream so i really wasn't disturbed.                                       " what dream?" I asked           "you were at a party dancing one minute and the next you were lying unconscious on the floor".The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as she mentioned the party but I waved it aside, I wouldn't let one small thing ruin my social life                                   " ngwanu mama,there is no party.you and this your dreams,in fact u should go and be a prophetess "  I chided her gently hoping she will forget,she did luckily and hung up after telling me stories of how she saved so many people through her dreams. I turned to soma who pretended she hadn't heard any of that, she was a rich girl from a wealthy home who chose to live a jaded life,most times she ignores my background but sometimes she doesn't and that well ....its a story for another day. "so babe,you need to upgrade and get at least an iPhone six" she said it nonchalantly like she was asking me to change my slippers. I covered my shame with a smile.                             "you can introduce me to a rich guy tonight and that won't be a problem"  I joked ,inwardly resenting why life had to be so unfair.                                        "that is not a problem but you don't need a guy for that you know?" As Soma ratted on about the joys of being rich, My mind drifted to what my mum said about the party,I wondered what she  meant and I was willing to find out.after all,what is life...

Anonymous Writer

Dear PMB
While you were away a lot has happened both good and bad, I don't know if the people who visited you in London and those you called too while in London gave you the gist, but me in my unusual amebo ways will still tell you sha.

You know the man you put in charge made us understand that it's not as difficult as you have played it to be, like the exchange rate between dollars and naira we have since witnessed to be sky rocketing like a child feeding on beans has drastically dropped like a malnourished child.
Also our A.P whom you gave us had gone out to inspect some federal facilities that are delapitating and have ordered that they be fixed with immediate effect.
Also our economy is beginning to improve gradually even if the market people are still being greedy but we know soon enough life will be back to normal.

I almost forgot that there was a peaceful protest with no life lost (although it had nothing to do with IPOB) and talking about IPOB I heard charges against their leader the famed Nnamdi Kanu has been dropped which looks like a bright bulb in their direction.

Thank God you are back hale and hearty even if you chose to continue resting, just allow V.P Yemi Osibanjo to continue acting so far he have proven to be a very good actor and we like how this movie called Nigeria is playing at the moment, I don't know if this was the original script but we love this script or improvisation we are seeing right now.

Thanks and long live the federal republic of Nigeria.
From a concerned citizen
NWACHi