port harcourt will be great again

I was born in port harcourt in the late 80's probably we ended the 80's but that's not important, what's important was the countless times my parents took me to the tourist beach and port harcourt zoo, then I was still a small boy but we had fun memories then.

Now in port harcourt the only place we go to for sight seeing is the port harcourt mall which houses a lot of private owned shops including a very big supermarket and an escalator ride to top it up.

This is not the port harcourt I want my children to grow into. There is nothing significant to hold on to that represents this city, there use to be an amusement park at rumuokurushi close to oil mill junction how it went down is something we can't explain but I think the government is trying to bring that back, we are just watching sha.

What happened to the port harcourt zoo except the famed electrocuted lion and a few monkeys and tortoise I don't think there is much left in there.
This is rivers state for crying out loud we are situated close to the Atlantic and yet there is no sea shore around to boast of a good beach where tourists and foreign investors could go and have a good time and nobody is talking about reviving the tourist beach or doing something to create one out.

The famed rivers monorail whose original plan was to be a means of transportation is now a hanging artefact which I think the government would have made good use of, since everyone's attention is the port harcourt mall (or spar as we all call it) and the monorail runs across the same road it could have serve as a jolly ride for some token and I'm sure a few port harcourt people would be willing to pay (after all they go to the mall just ride escalator up and come down) who knows how many people who are eager to sit there buttocks in that piece of machinery and drive from one station to another but the government thinks it's a waste of money and instead of trying to recover the money back they rather it goes to waste.

There are no museums showing the rich culture of the rivers man bringing ancient history to modern memory, at least there was the rivers state carnival aka carniriv which was a little tourist attraction projecting port harcourt to the world but for personal or political reasons the NEW government refuse to run with it instead we have a carol which is shabilly organised as replacement.

Port harcourt use to be the hub of entertainment where people troop in to get their groove on but now even the same port harcourt people have turned towards owerri.
I don't know if I should thank the call girls at GRA or the numerous night club situated there for keeping the city alive at night at least that is the only spot you are sure of bustling night life besides rumuokoro all thanks to the traders and agbero for that.

So I am appealing to the commissioner of tourism and hospitality to look upon these places and think about how we can create an enabling environment for entertainment to thrive like you can bring back "akunaki" (that was like a secondary school festival for arts and creativity were local talents were been scouted) name it something else if you please. Let the tourist beach be a place for relaxation at least live birds could go and have romantic walks like see in the movies. Film makers and video directors should put port harcourt as choice location for their projects and that way we can sell port harcourt to the world and make them see the beauty we posses.

I am just a port harcourt who believed port harcourt can be great again if we can put things in place and sell port harcourt to the world once again

welcome to Naija

Just when I was about to give up on the government and focus my life on less political posts they just came calling, not like they have my number though but they brought out the satirical animal in me.

I could have ignored like I have been doing of late but how can you ignore a power minister who claims he uses generator in house, what hope is there for us with the promise of steady power supply when the people responsible are happy they own a generator set and are proud to say they burn diesel too like every other nigerian.

Or should we ignore a first lady who claims with the so much money allocated to the presidential kitchen she still feeds her children from her purse, me I am just wondering who eats all that food or is it the result of a bad chef? It's quite funny to know the children of the first lady who are also related to the president who provides for his family from his allowance as the president don't eat food from the kitchen in the villa but there mother's purse.. all I can say is odiegwu

I also cannot ignore the bravery of the governor of Ekiti state who went all out to put out a fire folding his sleeves and trousers while the state fire service watched in awe (don't just stand and look put your hands together for him)... I know every state gives allocation for the state fire service and make provisions for emergency like this but when the governor can put out a fire why call the fire service leave it to the governor so he adds it to his long lists of achievements besides socialising with the commoners at least he can now say "when I was a governor I helped put out a fire situation"

I am just going to shut up and join the rest of nigerians waiting for MMM resumption because that seems to be the only thing uncle Bubu achieved in 2016 besides countless overseas trips and it's been long I heard from Lai Muhammed I hope all is well... biko what did that EFCC chairman do that they sack him... don't tell me he doesn't have integrity because he could buy that in the market, it could be a wrong arrest just saying

#dropsphone *cracks screen*

Love and Social Network

The urge to fall in love again was so strong, to be called baby and knowing that someone somewhere is probably thinking about me before she falls asleep was just ravishing my mind but then I don't want to fall in love with my phone anymore.

My past relationships has just been on social network, long texting, calls and what ever display of affection my phone could possibly give.
I met this yoruba girl once on 2go, then that was like the biggest chatting network and we had a sweet romance. She would call me and we will talk for long and the good thing then the mobile network providers was generous enough to give free calls at night and like an owl i'll keep my two large eyes open with just a hundred naira airtime that can enable the call.
She was in faraway Nassarawa and I was in Port harcourt, so the chances of us seeing was very slim even thinner than a sewing thread but then we were so in love at least that was what our phones were made to believe.
It was a sweet relationship even when I knew she already had a son, I still stuck to her and was hoping when it's time for marriage my parents will understand but our romance couldn't last long like our cheap data, we started falling apart our goodnight kiss reduced the rate at which we called slowed down and then this other Bayelsa girl appeared like a ghost from a horror film.

At first it wasn't serious, I just took it as one of those phone flings definitely this will pass away but the closer we get the more we found out that there are similarities in the things we like and this grew our bond a bit strong.

At first she refused to tell me her name with the fear that I might be a ritualist and needs it for some kind of blood money ritual, which was really funny to me, and after much persuasion she told me her name is Precious which I didn't take was rather a precious name good enough for blood money.

I actually didn't take her serious until she told me she was coming to port harcourt to see me that was when I knew it was real. Did I mention she was at Abuja? Ok I just did.
She was actually my first real girl friend, though after spending one week with me she left back and I returned back to the blissful relationship I had with my phone because that was the only way I could get in touch with her.
We continued our phonemance for a while until she got tired of asking me to come and visit and broke up with me.
Then I made up my mind never to fall in love on social network anymore and even if I do it will be someone from the same city but then love is also hard to come by, I was hoping I will run into someone in a wedding or concert but the truth is I am still in love with social network and now I have a variety to choose from.

Right now I can't tell if the girl of my dream is on facebook or I already have her number on whatsapp or maybe she is one of my numerous BBM contacts I don't chat with or one of the people liking my pictures on instagram or one of my numerous followers on Twitter waiting for me to dm.

The truth is I will always be in love with social media and I just can't help it Cause that's where all the fine girls are even when we can't tell if their beauty was filter enabled.

Referral and Percentage

Referrals and percentage two words entertainers and event managers have come to synchronise and make it part of the business.

First of all percentage based on referrals can't be called bad in the business but when people ask you for percentage from a meagre fee then you will understand the struggle of having a business plan as an entertainer.
Event managers and show promoters have actually made this part of their duty that for every job they refer you to they get a certain percentage of the fee paid and most times entertainers agree to this and the kick back fee is shared almost the same amount with the artist so it's more like sharing the stage with the talent doing nothing and getting paid.
Don't get me wrong kick back fee is more like saying thank you for bringing the job to me but it's an appreciation and it should be left for the artist to say take this amount for referring me to this client but it's not the case infact they tell you the exact amount they want from you not minding if you are okay with it or not.

I've heard cases were the money for the job is not up to 10,000 naira and the referral is asking for kick back, for goodness sake how much is the talent going home with if out of 10,000 you want an appreciation that is more than thank you. The funny part now is that it's not just event managers alone but artists too do same infact there case could be worse (am not talking about the part, where they discuss a different price and beg you to collect something different because they make you believe you are friends.

Well I've heard a case where the referral was asking for 50% after the talent has paid 10%.. call me ignorant but that is greed in the highest order.

One may ask how do we stop this, the truth it can't be stopped because people will always refer you and you have to show your gratitude. But there is a business phase to this, get a manager, that way your manager handles all your business and even when you are getting referrals it is your manager that determines if it is good for a kick back or not and you know it is you and your manager that is talking percentage except you prefer the condition of getting to give percentages you are not comfortable with then you can leave a manager out of the picture.

I guess I have to leave here now cause I also have a kick back percentage to give to a referral, I mean we are still in business right?

Brain is The New Boobs

As for the bandwagon of girls who have adopted the saying that “ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME” as their praise and worship song or subscribed to all other notions that are related to the saying that guys are totally and mentally controlled by there ever stubborn and excited d**ks or c**ks or any funny name you call the little man below the belt, it’s not like I disagree with you but there is always an error of exception in every gross generalisation.
To intentionally or unintentionally attract and secure the attention of any responsible guy who is serious with life and will in turn respect you for something, you have to do something above or a little more than appearing indecently naked in public places, going to very club and when you hear its young john the wicked producer, you start twerking like your whole life depends on it, Or becoming a sex ATM or device by sharing sex like a priest sharing holy communion in the church, or become a walking sub-division of cosmetic and fashion industries by investing recklessly on your appearance while you starve your brain and common sense to death.
Of course, when you do everything listed above as common as they are, every guy will feed their eyes as far as that has not yet been made illegal, then a particular bunch of guys will flock around you and make you feel like the queen of 21st century flexing world and commander in chief of the federal republic of boys. These guys will feed you with the best garnished delicacies of beautiful delicious lies in the arsenal of every guy’s wooing menu, and trust me; you are going to like the temporal feeling you get from it while it lasts.
To be brutally honest with you, girls like this are part of the main reason why some guys use demeaning and disgusting words like “fish brain”, “cheap article” and “public toilet” to describe some girls.
Still on a honest note, the most honest time in every guy’s life is when he sits in company of a group of guys whom he is very comfortable with (guys of the same blood group, if you know what I mean) and that is when even the guys who flock around you will celebrate and advertise your foolishness in your absence to others, to make matters worse, guys who know you will point at you, tap their fellow guy and ask, F**KABLE OR WIFEABLE???? You can guess the answer to that question because your answer is as good as correct.
Am not about to encourage laziness or laxity but if you like you can cook indomie with granulated sugar and a mixture of hypo and detol or be a kitchen pro. If you like do laundry and house chores more than a housemaid from Ogoni or Akwa Ibom (they are hardworking girls, no offence intended) or not. If you like have a look of a miss world contestant or a village masquerade. If you like set monkey, butterfly and dog style in bed like a prostitute with 35 years working experience and a PhD in prostitutionology. Whichever one you do is all good for you but when you are intellectually productive, you already have a little above average or pass mark in the sight of the opposite sex, every other thing is secondary and negotiable.
Mind you, intellectual productivity is not just and only going to school and passing your exams with good grades, you can be the best in academics and still be eligible or most qualified for a certificate or award for the dumbest creature that planet earth has ever accommodated, yes I said so!
Intellectual productivity is simply investing in or feeding your brain by doing damage to your ignorance in almost everything, by everything here I mean the good, the bad and the baddest. The result of this is exclusively and unimaginably perfect because you will be transformed to the point that every aspect of your life will be affected (appearance/ modus operandi/ behaviour/ interaction/ all round skills in everywhere including the kitchen and the other room e.t.c)
In a close contact or conversation with a person who is intellectually productive, you will literally and figuratively see perfect sense, impressions and ideas of golden and diamond value coming out of them all in form of words and action, that’s what i meant when i said exclusively and unimaginably perfect. The more intellectually productive you are, the more you attract reasonable people to yourself even without knowing. The advantages of intellectual productivity cannot be over emphasised or encapsulated, in fact there are no dull moments with people of intellectual productivity.
Our dear human creatures of feminine characteristics, in the sight of the guys who are able to identify, respect, appreciate and love the good things of life, if you are intellectually productive and you apply prudence and moderation to all you do, no matter in what capacity you are serving, as a sister or platonic friend or girlfriend/ex gf or wife/ex wife, church member, school or course mate, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BAE, ANY DAY, ANYTIME!!!
#Copyright c 2016, EMMANUEL MONSI

Diamond and A Torch

I stood there at the river bank, stark naked, About to take my own destiny in my hands. With the whole village watching and my mother cried and begged me not to jump into the river.

Just two days ago news came into the village that there is something strange in the river, we all rushed to see what this might be but all we saw was a glow in the river something shinning with a great light as bright as oga Ebere's bulb when he puts on his new generator.
All our lives in that village we have never seen such not even our fore fathers witnessed a thing like this in their time. Like typical villagers we could only come up with a conclusion that it must be diamonds from a python's head based on the myths we've been told about pythons.

We all wanted this diamond as it looks like a blessing from the gods, but we were all scared to dive in and claim it, and since it was found in the community stream it means it belongs to the whole village.

It became a question of who will bell the cat, what if the python is just resting or what if it was a trap set for anyone who will dive in to claim it.
Though we've been warned by the elders not to mention it to anyone outside our small community so the next villages will not hear of it and partake in the blessing our gods have gifted us with. We are still looking for who to go in and bring out this precious stone and the day is almost gone, night has come upon us and the diamonds shine brighter from under water.

As night draws closer my mind is been made up but then I needed some sort of protection in case I encounter any strange force, "I will cross the big river to the next village" I said to myself "I hear they have powerful native doctors there".
While I was plotting my way on getting the diamond. Our village pastor whom we've all known as onye-ukachukwu has gone to the stream with a bottle of schnapp and some cola nut to appease the gods of the water and thanking it for the blessing it brought our way. The whole village was surprised that a Pastor will be giving in to fetish gods, then I knew how powerful that diamond must be and it's worth must be very huge.

At this point my mind is made up, I will be the hero the village is clamouring for, if I get this diamond out of the water, even though it proceeds will be shared by the community, I am sure I will get the lion share.
I took the small money I had on me went to the market and bought a goat then I went to the river and boarded a boat to the next village and I wasn't disappointed, I did meet a powerful native doctor who did some charm for me and he gave me some eggs and other materials I will use for incantations after collecting my goat.
That same night I went back to the village with an instruction that the incantation must be done stark naked without any cloths before I go in to claim the precious stone that will transform my life and that of my family for good.

That morning I woke up early and headed straight to the river where this great diamond that has given my people a cause of concern, my mother had pleaded that I don't do it, it is better we be in poverty than I go and kill myself, but I've made up my mind already, it is better I die trying to get rich than remain in a state of squalor.
News has gotten to the village about my bravery and like it was the village masquerade festival everyone have gathered at the stream waiting for me to do what no one was brave enough to do.
I have broken two eggs already standing fully naked in the midst of the entire village, even the elders of the village stood and watch while I make myself a hero for the village, as I broke the last egg and did the final incantation I jumped right into the river and headed straight down to the bottom but what I saw was different from what the community was actually waiting for.

I stayed under the water for some minutes and some where already thinking I was dead or maybe it was too heavy for me to pull out but I was stuck with great disappointment and I couldn't just come out with what I saw in place of the claimed diamond.
Finally I decided to surface out of the water to show my people that my bravery was actually vain, instead of the diamond I came out with a torch in my hand, which probably was dropped off by one of those night fishermen.

As I stood with the torch in my hand, I watched everyone walking out feeling disappointed and not even a sign of pity for my wasted effort, I thought about my goat, the journey to the native doctor for protection, the millions I would have made from the sale of the torch or diamond.
I was too dumbfounded to leave the spot, the water has dried off from my body. Now instead of feeling like a hero I felt more stupid in the sight of the entire village.

Till this day I'm been called diamond man, just for expressing my stupidity for a common torch.

The Other Room

Nigerians are known fir trolling on issues and events as they come maybe even make a statement about it.
There was a time it was 'OGA AT THE TOP' and a certain NSCDC top official suffered for it for not knowing the website of his organisation and goofing on national TV, Nigerians even went as far as making a T shirt just for it.
Then there was DIA 'RIS GOD that became a national slogan thanks to our then first lady whose office was not in the other room or kitchen.

Well this brings me to the most famous comedian Nigeria has at the moment, a devoted traveller and a lover of cartoons on newspaper, well if you piece everything up and concludes I am talking about President Muhammadu Buhari aka PMB well you are on your own.

Recently the first lady was talking to journalist on BBC showing how displeased she was with the way her husband and his friends (sorry cabinet) are running the country and unlike Monica Lewinsky who has promised to support the wife of her customer running for president (what am I even writing sef, sorry she said she will vote for Hillary Clinton instead of Donald Trump, who might invite her to the white house and grab her couchie) madam Aisha said she won't support her husband come 2019.

Trust bubu na, this time Lai muhammed was even shocked at his comment when he said he don't know which party his wife belongs to that her place is in the kitchen and THE OTHER ROOM and he was actually with a woman occupying the same position with him.
Well who knows maybe Aisha is very fantastic in the other room. Just after we celebrated the international girl child day encouraging education for the girl child our own president just made us understand while we were busy doing #istandwithgirls he was in THE OTHER ROOM doing only God knows what, (me I wasn't there so I can't really explain if he was lying or sitting down)

Well while everyone thinks it's morally wrong for uncle Bubu to say such we are still waiting on Lai Muhammed's version because it seems he always have something different to say about everything.

I guess I should just go to the other room and wait for your comments please who is joining me.